Finding Little Pleasures

Sometimes when life seems "dark and dreary" it is the little pleasures that can make things seem bright again.

Over a week ago I found something to really look forward to. I was able to book a timeshare at the Gold Coast (courtesy of my dad) for November after my Master's is due! Additionally I also lucked out on getting cheap airfare ($130 roundtrip for the both of us) and a cheap hire car! Now I have something to look forward to after my Master's is over. 

As for some other little pleasures. I had a couple of really great experiences last week. We had a Saturday church activity where members of the ward got together had lots of food, games, and fun. My team ending up winning! 

Musical chairs

We were the Toucans

The next day I had mixed feelings because it was our ward conference where the stake leaders were in charge.  This was the day for my little ward choir to perform as well as a two hour long sacrament meeting. I was nervous about our choir performance and not sure I had the attention span for a long two hour meeting, but in the end it was amazing. The choir was awesome and I could tell all their practice had really paid off. Even the stake president said that he had heard some large ward choirs that would "shake the roof," but our little ward choir "shook [his] soul!" What a compliment! The talks were all awesome and it was a great day. I was also really glad that my last choir directing experience (for a while at least) was a really great one. 

Two of the missionaries that were in the choir and were transferred the next day.

As for the rest of the week not much has happened regarding my project. I have been working at home more and am significantly less stressed! I set goals for myself each day and do my best to meet them. I have gotten through a lot more work at home. I still am no where near the productivity level I would like to be, but for once I am decided to just set small goals and try to do better each day. At this point I have now come to terms that it's not possible to do all that I had originally planned. 

Working late...don't know why it's so dark though.

Shade sometimes thinks he can help

Aside from doing work I also realise its important to do something fun each day as well. I really need something each day to boost morale for the next day. Lately I have spent a couple of hours before bed doing something I want to do. A couple of times I have been playing Mario Kart with Matt. I've also finally gotten back to cleaning once in a while although I'll typically watch Netflix while I do the dishes. At least that way I don't mind doing it. 

Last Saturday we had dinner with our Indian neighbours. It was fun to get to know them better and I'm so glad Matt has been so outgoing in our area. He now has two more side jobs lined up! 

Some days I really just have to find the little pleasures like a beautiful sunset, making and eating yummy food, cuddling with my cat, or good times with friends! Never dismiss the little things!

Orange-soaked bundt cake!

A Series of Events

It is so easy for weeks to fly by without anyone noticing. When we spend each day or week thinking about what has happened sometimes it seems like a lot has happened, but the longer we wait to look back the less "events" we seem to remember. So here are the events of the last two weeks that I can remember. 

One of the young women that I teach from church loves anime and cosplay so she informed me of all the big expo's that she is planning on attending. Most recently was the Supanova Expo on June 14th. Kaytlin Butler often goes to these expo's to represent their institute and tell people about the different design, graphics, audio, film and other degrees or certificates they offer. When I told her I planned on going I was able to get a free pass to help her out!

The expo was pretty awesome with thousands of people in attendance, crazy costumes, and hundreds of booths to see.

From My Neighbour Totoro

I spent most of the time with Brock and Kaytlin and the other students at the SAE institute booth and even helped hand out flyers and explain the college to people. I felt it was only fair that if they got me in for free I should help out as well even if I'm not a student there. One of the other students later asked me what I did for SAE and was surprised that I wasn't affiliated with them since I had been talking to people about the college half the day!

SAE Graphic Design student-Amanda

She made this in just a few hours

One of the major events was the panel with Stan Lee, but Kaytlin and I opted to go see Jon Heder (Napolean Dynamite) who is also a member of our church. He was really funny and the best part was the super fan that went on stage to show Jon Heder his Napolean dance, and he even brought the music. In case you are wondering, it turns out his famous "dance" was completely freelance and filmed on the spot. That just makes it all the better!

I would have enjoyed the expo and seen a lot more if I didn't have a really painful headache. By lunch time I was not doing well and bought a coke to help. Although I hate coke, the caffeine helped until I ran out. Then a student at the booth gave me a V energy drink that helped for another couple of hours.  Finally, I went to the First Aid area and got some painkillers and was fine 20 minutes later. I should have done that earlier before I consumed all the caffeine!

After the expo I went to meet Josie Mackie for gelato in Parramatta (click here for stores). They had an amazing apple pie gelato that was so yummy! We had a great time chatting and I am always amazed at how much we have in common. We're both really chatty so that always makes for good conversation that isn't one-sided. I'm excited for when her sister comes to visit next month!

Everything after the expo seems very uneventful. A few small events have involved my camera surveillance system. While testing it at home I found that I had two cameras that were faulty and had to be replaced, then while testing it all at Uni we struggled to get the video on the screen (eventually we worked it out), and lastly we tried to work with the mic they gave us and gave up on having the audio at all.

Although I think we've sorted out the equipment stuff now, we are still waiting on getting approval to put them up. Apparently someone has to approve the "ethics" of doing it and then we arrange a time with the zoo electricians to put them up. On the bright side I have checked the audio I am getting from the second song meter (audio recorder) I put up near the tiger enclosure with big Satu and he has some great vocalisations!

Another event was Matt and I signed another 12 month lease to stay at our townhouse for another year! Our rent went up slightly ($1580 to $1600/mth) but we are happy we can stay where we are at. We have many friends close by, it's a relatively easy distance to uni and work for Matt, and we have plenty of space.

Matt has also been really blessed as he is continuously finding painting side jobs to do. He will finish up with our neighbour Catherine's place this week and she has already referred two of her friends. Although this means I don't see him much, he's happy earning extra money and this will really help us for the future whether paying for visas to stay in Australia or paying to return to the US.

Unfortunately I only took a picture of the food.

Last Sunday Matt and I went to hang out with the Barnett's and others for a "shortest day of the year" get together. We had great food, great company, and a great time! I'm always amazed at how well all of the young couples get along in the ward. The only hard part is that our ward is growing with more awesome people so it is difficult to have everyone together at one place. Luckily, the Barnett's had plenty of space for everyone that came. Some day I'd like to have a large house where I can invite as many people as I want to things and never have to be concerned about the space available.



Last Wednesday I went on splits with the sister missionaries. All of the missionaries do splits with members where one missionary goes with one member to visit people that may be less-active or a referral from another member. Unfortunately the sister and I didn't find who we were looking for, but met some of their awesome neighbours! I was surprised to learn that the missionaries are not encouraged to do much tracting (knocking on doors). In my mission that was a major part of the work, although I wouldn't say it was the most effective. The missionaries are out and about looking for those that are ready to receive the gospel of Jesus Christ and sometimes going out and knocking doors is a good way to find those people. Nevertheless, I trust that the Lord will inspire the missionaries to find those people that may be ready to return to the church, or those that want to learn about and accept the gospel.

The only other minor events involve the cat. We got him a new toy which he had de-stuffed in a few days. Also, a few days ago I noticed Matt hadn't left out vitamins for me as usual (I always forget to take multi-vitamins) and I quickly discovered why. I found two of the tablets on the floor, one with a piece bitten off, but the third fish oil capsule was nowhere to be found. My only assumption is that Shade had thoroughly enjoyed the fish oil one and therefore no traces was left behind.

Well I hope everyone has a good week!

The Panacea for Depression

A couple of weeks ago I decided I was going to work more actively on getting over depression. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I have always known the Lord doesn't want me to sad and depressed. I know that the negative thoughts and feelings aren't part of who I am, but sometimes it is hard to remember in high-stress moments. The gospel of Jesus Christ is filled with light and hope and happiness and as much as I knew it, I struggled to live it. When I really took a step back from everything going on in my life, my first thought is that I had stopped doing the things that could really give me the Lord's help and the spiritual and emotional strength to get over depression.

Step 1: Personal scripture study
Knowing that I would struggle to read just scriptures at first, I decided to read a General Conference talk a day starting from 1971. I can tell you the 70's were not like today, but the messages from the apostles, prophets and other leaders still gave messages that are just as relevant now. This is such a simple thing, but I truly believe that I wasn't getting better because I was pushing spiritual nourishment away. Reading talks is just the first of many things I hope to improve spiritually.

Step 2: Depression bibliotherapy

This is a huge step! A part of me doesn't want to get help on my depression because I can use it as a justification for my laziness. I need help and so I searched for a good self-therapy book using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and committed myself to read it. I chose Feeling Good by David Burns (click here for his website) after reading the amazing reviews. I'm positive I chose a good book and I just need to commit to reading it little by little and doing the exercises. I really struggled when I took the depression test and I scored "Severe Depression." Somehow I kept thinking that my depression wasn't that severe and that was a hard reality for me. Nevertheless, I am doing something about it!

Some may not understand my choice of a book versus counselling and medication. I have a BS degree in Psychology and in my classes and research I gained a strong belief in cognitive behavioural therapy. Instead of rushing to drugs why not learn what causes you to get depressed in the first place and prevent it from happening? Basically cognitive behavioural therapy whether through counselling or self-help therapy through books or online resources helps you analyse your thought processes that leads to negative thinking. Over time you can learn to develop positive responses to negative events and thoughts. The trick is just to actually work at it!

Step 3: Remove possible stressors
The next thing I have been working on is just trying to find ways to remove the stressors and help myself to work more effectively. I've known for a while that I am actually more productive at home when working on my research project, but I constantly felt that I had to be at the university. There are a lot of stressors that contribute to that environment. So, I have been spending just a couple more days at home and my mood is a lot better and if I need a little break I can do that. I can't avoid going to the university, but as long as I balance at work and home time it's easier to get through the week.

All of these are helping me and I feel confident I will slowly get better. I will still have major downs during this process, but I just have to stick with it. I learned the word panacea in the Feeling Good book. A panacea is a "cure-all" which the author of Feeling Good constantly reminds how the book is not a panacea. I started thinking about it and I decided that in a way The Gospel of Jesus Christ is a panacea. I'm not going to go into detail, but I believe with all my heart that there is NO problem that the Lord cannot solve.

Just Keep Moving Forward

Sometimes when life gets rough you just need to keep moving forward one step at a time. My circumstances may not be any better or worse than others, but regardless I am trying to at least do continue doing things each day. Some day I hope I can find my typical workhorse self!

I am struggling to put one foot in front of the other particularly with my Master's project. The latest news is that I found a new supplier for surveillance equipment and am waiting on them to get all of what we need so we can pick it up. Next I went with Jennifer to the zoo last week where we discussed also putting another audio recording device in the other enclosure. We found out that one of the tigers was sick so we may have to wait a couple of weeks before we can put video equipment up. 

Tree Kangaroo at Taronga

Pelican showing off his wings - he sure knew how to pose!

On Saturday I went again to get full SD cards as well as provide the other audio recorder we had discussed. To my joy (and dismay due to extra work) we were able to find a semi-suitable place for the other recorder. This will allow me to get all of the lone male's vocalisations, or so we hope. The bad news is that the sick tiger actually had a bone lodged in his throat and had to be operated on to remove it. This means that no surveillance equipment will be put up until he has fully recovered which may be in about a month! To put this in perspective: I have about 500 hours of audio recordings I have still not gone through and sorted, when the video cameras are put up I intend to get another 504 hours of video with 500 more hours of audio, I need to go through all of that, get what I need for analysis, do my statistics, and write up my thesis by October 10th. My original prediction was to start writing my thesis by July. I will definitely not be able to get through all of my audio, but the fact that I don't have any video yet is a real problem!!! Yikes! There's not much I can do now but just keep moving forward and hope I don't pass out somewhere.

On a brighter note, here are some other things from the last couple of weeks....

Matt and I went to the city over a week ago to tour the city, see the wildlife photography display at the Australian museum and see the special Vivid Sydney light displays that go on every year. We had a good time and Matt was so happy because we stopped at a Japanese restaurant selling udon, which reminded him of when he visited Japan. It was a really long trip home on public transportation, but it was a great night. 

Anzac Memorial Reflection Pool

Clock in the Queen Victoria Building

Building made to look like a tree for Vivid Sydney

Sydney Opera House

Sydney Harbour Bridge

The following Sunday we met a new friend. The sister missionaries asked us to pick up an investigator (Liam) for church. Liam is a 33-yr-old Aussie that has had a very difficult life and spent his birthday the day before by himself forgotten by all including his family. We decided to invite him and the sisters over for dinner and a mini-birthday for him. The sisters made a cake and when we sang Happy Birthday to him he nearly cried. He hadn't had anyone make a cake or sing to him for his birthday since he was 6 years old. I was glad we were able to provide something for him, and I hope we will see him often. It breaks my heart that anyone could be so poorly mistreated and despised by their own family. Regardless of how someone comes into this world, all of us are still children of God and should be treated as such. 

Spectacular double rainbow when driving home from church

Last Monday Matt and I also had our final group dinner. Josie and Lachie did a spectacular job with yummy spinach and ricotta cannelloni's, bruschetta, salad, stuffed mushrooms, italian sodas, and the leaning tower of pisa cheesecake and cookies! Lots of good food and fun. We will likely continue doing something once a month although probably not a big dinner since that gets pricey. 

Photo Mike Barnett took of dessert

Despite all my anxiety and frustrations with my project, I am at least glad I have good friends here and in the US, an awesome family that cares about me, a wonderful spouse that provides for me, my recent discovery of apples with nutella, and of course my unconditionally loving cat!!

Attacking his fav. reindeer from Christmas
(we have now had to dispose of it)

Why I'm Not Doing a PhD

For all those of you that know me well, I have always been a planner. It doesn't matter what I am doing, but I am always planning on what I am going to do next. When I came to Australia the plan was to get a PhD which included a 2-year Masters program and then another 3 years for a PhD. I painstakingly looked at all the universities that had someone working in animal behaviour or animal personality research. Having met Jennifer Clarke before, I was fascinated by animal communication and when enquiring if she was taking graduate students she was the only excited Yes! So, I applied for the Masters of Research to then do a PhD with Jennifer in animal communication.

Over the last 18 months I have been part of the first group ever to be in the Masters of Research program at Macquarie that was designed specifically as a pathway to getting a PhD. After a year's worth of coursework (some useful and some not as much) I was overjoyed to be able to finally do research and especially on my favourite animal ever - the tiger. So why would I not do a PhD then? Lots of reasons:

1. It's not necessary for my career choice.

Since I was little I have always wanted to work with animals. Before I came here I knew I wanted to be a tiger handler some day. A PhD is not required for this and in some cases may not be desired. I wanted to get the PhD so that I would at least have the ability to use research to help animals. However, the three years of limited animal experience may get me farther away from working with animals with all the writing and research work it requires. If it is not required, why pursue it? I desperately need animal handling experience for this kind of job and it may be too difficult to try to get the experience at the same time as a PhD. I'm not entirely dead set on any one option, but I would like be able to work with tigers regularly and not just view them from afar or through video recordings. 

2. It's stressful!

As you all know I have been suffering from depression since the beginning of this year. Although I'm aware of it and trying to control my overwhelming emotions, it takes time. A PhD is even more stressful and has not been known to help a person's mental health. When I already feel I'm in a "fragile" state I feel I would only get worse by trying to take things to the next level. Not to mention I'm already neglecting my husband and my cat from all my stress. Is it really fair to them or myself to intentionally put myself in a deeper hole?

3. My eyes have been opened.

I have learned since starting my program that "changing the world" takes a LOT of effort. One seminar speaker who has helped create change does research and helps create policies to apply this research. He also has NO life outside of work - in other words work = life. When it comes down to it, my future family and my church are more important to me than anything! Am I willing to sacrifice that? I have firmly determined over the last year that I'm ok with NOT changing the world. 

4. Getting published isn't worth it. 

Research is all about getting your studies published in high-impact journals. To be honest I could care less if my research got published since I do it for the intrinsic value of discovering something new. Not to mention, it is mostly other scientists that read these journals since they require expensive subscriptions. I have read EVERYTHING I could find on tiger vocalisations and the best stuff I could find was listed in books and not very clear or scientific. As I have been doing my study to understand tiger vocalisations it has been very frustrating that the tiger keepers already know or understand most of what I am trying to find out. The research is still worth it, but my job would be SO much easier if I already had their knowledge. Additionally, it is the tiger keepers that teach the public about the animals and not some scientist who published in a journal. For me, the publication isn't worth all the effort. You don't get paid for it, you don't create change with it, and the most you'll be able to do with it is slowly climb the hierarchy of academia and get recognised for your "ground-breaking" research. 

I could do a PhD part-time or look into more teaching oriented schools where publishing isn't as important, but truthfully I think I am just exhausted with it. I'm going to put all I have left into doing the best study I can for my Master's, and then leave it all behind. After so many years of being in school I think I am finally ready to begin moving on to other things. I may not end up being a tiger keeper, but there are many things I wouldn't mind doing so I'm not limited to just one option. If there is ever a time down the road that I change my mind I can always do a PhD later. For now, it is just not for me. 

Life's Twists and Turns

Have you ever played Life: Twists and Turns? If not, it’s an awesome game and if you can find it you should try it out. Life certainly does tend to give us twists and turns as this week seemed to be for me.

I had the opportunity to attend a baby shower for Rochelle Evans (friend from church). Ironically it got a few of us from church talking about birth control – while some people are ready to have babies, not all of us are! Nevertheless, we can certainly enjoy and help celebrate for those ready for that next step. It was a great activity and I learned that I know little about baby toys and products!

Rochelle is the cute pregnant woman in the white dress

Josie Mackie and I at the shower

Guess the Celebrity Baby game

We had stake conference that weekend as well. Saturday stake conference is always more relaxed and the talks given by our stake leaders and the Area Seventy that was present were awesome. I laughed a lot, and they also put a lot of focus on the youth. Sunday I had a short choir practice in the morning then Matt and I picked up an investigator, which resulted in us being late to the session. Unfortunately, we could barely hear or see anything and unfortunately didn’t get much out of it.

The next night we went to a special FHE to say goodbye to Reilly Cox who has now left for his mission in New Zealand. It was a wonderful night where I learned a lot about the history of New Zealand. At the end we all told Reilly why we love him and got to hear his testimony of the gospel. He truly is an amazing and faithful young man!

For Young Women (YW) we had a Pizza Planning Party! We came up with a long list of activities the youth wanted to do and although we had a rocky start we eventually had lots of ideas.  Tonight we are doing laser tag with the young men!

Piano being vacuumed

This last weekend was fairly eventful. I finally got my piano tuned!! Matt and I also went to my supervisor’s house so Matt could paint some overly colourful walls. I wish I had taken before/after pictures but it really made a difference. That night we also attended a LDS YSA (Young Single Adult) Dance Extravaganza performance! This year the theme was all art related, and every participating stake did an awesome job. The one year I participated I will always consider the best though!

I’m now reading Anne of Green Gables on my way to and from uni, which has been fun. Lately Matt and I have also been watching some newer movies we haven’t seen such as The Lego Movie, Planes, RoboCop, and Cloudy witha Chance of Meatballs 2. Last night we also went to see X-Men: Days of FuturePast in the theatre. I’m glad I always have someone to watch movies with especially when sometimes that’s all I seem capable of doing at night.

Unfortunately, things haven’t been all fun and games as things took a major turn in regards to my Master’s project. Long story short, I have to find a new company to get my surveillance cameras from. It would have been nice if I had known that earlier, but that’s just the way it is sometimes. I’ve found another potential company to work with, but it looks like there is no way to get the same high quality cameras I was originally getting. This is a HUGE delay, but I will just have to work extra hard to get everything done on time! It could always be worse!

Scared kitty - look at that fluffy tail! 

Hope you all have a wonderful week!