Playing with Numbers

This last week has seemed to have an overall theme with numbers. Every day I have been working on my tiger project data and working out what statistics to do. I spent many hours just researching two different tests, and I had to spend a lot of time setting up my data sheet to be stats ready. After I finished that I couldn't remember how to even load it to R (my stats program) and had to review many of my notes from courses I have had. This morning I realised I had missed something and need to fix my data sheet again and then load it into R again. Hopefully today I will be able to start playing with tests!! Stats and I seem to have a love/hate relationship as it takes so long just to figure out what test to do, how to do the test, understand the results, etc. In the end though, statistics are awesome in telling you a lot of things about your data!

Additionally, Matt and I met with an H&R Block accountant to sort out our Australian taxes. Since Matt is basically self-employed it is so much easier to have a professional do our taxes. In case you are wondering why we chose H&R Block....we chose them because I wanted to make sure we had a reliable and trustworthy accountant to work with, and they also have an expat division that will help us do US taxes as well. Last year I estimated how much Matt would owe in taxes based off how much he earned and what percentage is owed to taxes. I figured we would owe around $8000! To my surprise our accountant said we will likely owe less than $1000 after he enters in all our deductions! This is huge!! Matt made a lot less for our US taxes in 2013 and yet we owe $3000 to the IRS. I had to spend the next day creating a spreadsheet with all of Matt's business expenses, counting receipts, looking up house bills and whatever else the accountant needed.  It may seem like a lot of work, but it is worth it. There are definitely some differences between US and AUS taxes!

Matt has also been working with numbers, but in a whole different way. He has spent many numbers of hours working and earning extra money. For the past month he has been working his regular job and then every night and all day Saturday he has been going to a side job. This particular side job is at my colleague Tim's home which he has recently been renovating. What we thought would be a weekend job ending up taking way more time! He hopes to finish this week.

Despite Matt's long hours we were able to have some nice evenings together. One night we watched Divergent and the following night we went to TGIF's for dinner. We may have had to wait nearly 30 minutes just to have someone take our order, but the food was awesome! Their Jack Daniel's sauce is so good and I wish they would sell it! It's nice to get out and do something together once in a while.

Saturday I also spent a couple hours doing some much needed cleaning! As I mentioned before, we decided to dispense with teaching our cat to use the toilet. Well, we have had issues with going back to litter boxes. We bought a storage container with high walls, but he didn't seem to like it so we switched to the small litter box from when he was a kitten. That didn't work either because he would dump so much of the litter out from trying to cover up his messes. Finally, I found the holy grail with a cheap $10 storage bin that has slighter higher walls and is quite long. It works great and he doesn't get litter everywhere. I was so happy I had to take a picture of the new set-up.

Sunday was a busy day. I got up early so I could make a red velvet cake for one of my young women's birthday. After that I had to prepare my chastity lesson for the class. It's not that easy to think of ways to explain to 13 to 17 year old's the importance of keeping themselves sexually pure. In the end I think the lesson worked out well, but the highlight was easily my red velvet cake with homemade cream cheese frosting! I wish I had taken a picture because I think all those episodes of Cake Boss paid off because I impressed myself.

Some other Sunday events was Matt's discovery of a blue-tongued lizard in our back patio. He was so excited about that and made me run to get a camera. Although those lizards are quite common he hadn't actually seen one yet and not only did he get to see it but he got to catch it! We were a little worried about the cat attacking it so Matt released it behind all the townhouses and watched it run to a nearby den.

Also, we had Brock and Kaytlin over for FHE that night. We had a nice dinner, lesson, and then watched Meet the Robinsons. Kaytlin's lesson was about provident living/food storage and preparedness. It really got me thinking about some things that Matt and I could be doing better with emergency preparedness. We have a 72-hour kit that my dad bought me one Christmas, but that's not enough for two people. Kaytlin also mentioned about having a USB with any important files for an emergency and I had never thought of that. I think I am going to work on finishing my Master's project first, and then use my time off to look into things I can do for emergency preparedness. Hopefully no major disaster happens in the next month and a half! It's back to numbers for me! An what would a blog be without cute cat pictures?

Cold Weather Brings Illnesses

Some weeks just fly by and the last few weeks certainly have for me! With the end of winter we have some varying weather with super warm days and then all of a sudden pouring rain. The flu has been going around and many people are getting sick either physically or mentally it seems. 

I got a really bad cold at the end of July. I had a cough early in the morning and on my home from uni that day I officially decided I was sick. This developed into a really bad cold that lasted about 9 days. The frustrating thing with colds is that even if you do everything you can to get better sometimes you just have to let it run its course. I got plenty of sleep, stayed warm, had tons of vitamin C, and didn't push myself, but my lack of energy and cough took forever to dissipate. Apparently the flu has been going around so I'm glad all I had was a cold.

The third day of my cold I had a rolfing appointment that I didn't want to miss. Running on dayquil medicine I miraculously made it through my appointment. This time the rolfer did something called Gua sha at the end where he basically scrapes the skin with a Chinese spoon. It's painful but helps heal really knotted and sore areas which in my case was my upper back and shoulder area. A couple of days later the whole area was bruised but I did notice that the really bad knots in the area were gone.

The darkest spots were the worst areas

Another interesting occurrence is that my little sister returned home from her LDS mission in Dallas, TX! She was struggling with some health issues and difficult circumstances and was given an honourable release. I know without a doubt the Lord wanted her home even though she just left in February of this year. Many people don't realise or understand how stressful a mission can be and the toll it can take on your mental and physical health! I have no doubt she'll be an awesome ward missionary. To this day I still feel I have done more for missionary work after my mission than I did on my mission.

Sis Serisa Woodruff in Texas

Our adorable bengal cat turned one year old August 9th! He is still an amazing kitty that loves to play and cuddle. We didn't get him any presents since we recently bought him an automatic feeder, but I did just order a bunch of cat toys for him! I left a cat teaser out and he not only destroyed the feather toy but cut the string it was attached to. We need extra durable toys for this guy! Matt and I also decided to give put training the cat to use the toilet. We have worked with him for eight months on this and honestly we have not been very good at training him and so he just hasn't progressed. This week we will get him a new litter box and finally dispense with toilet training! In the end I don't know that training your cat to use a human toilet is worth it. I am also working on clicker and harness training him so some day I can take him on walks.

Around 8 weeks old

Now

We also had to say goodbye to a missionary in our ward that had finished her 18 months and was going home. Sis Church has been in our area for a long time and so we've had her over many times. I also helped register her for college classes since she was unable to do it. I'm hoping she'll do well at school and that we'll keep in touch!

Although I haven't talked about my project much, I have been doing a lot of measurements on my data. At this point I'm just trying to do what needs to be done, but I don't find any real joy in my project any more. In the end I feel that because of all the issues with this project I'm not very proud of what I have accomplished. Nevertheless, I can't do anything more than complete it with what I have been able to obtain and I'll be happy to be done with this research project. If I had another year or two I think I could've come up with something really good but so often you just have to work with what you get!

Shade helping me work

I would also like to mention a little about one of the major events that have occurred recently. Most, if not all, of you have probably heard about Robin William's death by now. It has been confirmed he committed suicide and had been suffering from severe depression. As many people have heard I suffer from depression some have thought of me in relation to this tragic news. I would like to clarify now that I am NOT suicidal! At times when I am really low, it does seem that living with the pain and anxiety is too much for me to handle, but I never completely lose hope. I just finished the chapter regarding suicide in my Feeling Good book and I learned a lot about how those that are suicidal feel completely hopeless - they do not believe things will ever be better in the future and often feel things will only get worse either for them or others around them. When you are suffering from depression your thoughts are so distorted that this is an easy conclusion to have! If you have not suffered from depression you may never understand, but for those that have or are currently suffering understand why suicide can seem like the logical choice. Why do I not have this issue? The answer is simple: I have an unwavering testimony that my Heavenly Father loves me and has a plan for me on this earth. It's impossible for me to completely lose hope in life when I have such a good understanding of why I am here on this earth and what my purpose in life is! I know without a doubt that the Lord will never give me any trial that I cannot handle or survive. My current trials are simply teaching me better coping mechanisms! Additionally, I know that suicide would prevent me from receiving the greatest blessings and peace after this life. I am blessed because I have this knowledge, but I know there are many that don't.

Please be careful that when you or someone you know has depression or may be suicidal that you look to reputable sources or professionals for advice. I have seen a lot of bad advice out there and having personal experience does not make you an expert! I have been using a self-help book that I trust and although I highly recommend it, what works for me may not work for everyone.

Well it's back to work for me! Hopefully I have more interesting events to report next time!

Spiders, Taxes, and Desserts!

The after-effects...

As I mentioned in my last blog I was ready to pick up all of my audio equipment from the zoo. That was the first thing I did on Monday which proved to be more interesting than I expected. The tiger keepers had collected all the equipment for me so when I got there I just had to pack it up in a duffel bag I brought with me. I had two cables attached to mic's that were zip-tied to metal brackets and I couldn't remove the zip-ties so I just shoved cables and brackets into my backpack. When I got to my bus stop to leave the zoo I decided to try again to cut the zip-ties off. After cutting them all off I noticed there was a bunch of web stuff on the metal bracket. I poked it and some baby spiders started crawling out. At this point I freaked out as it was all still in my backpack so I frantically ripped open my bag and pulled out the cables and metal brackets. One metal bracket had a couple spiders on the webs so I found a stick and started scraping all the web stuff off and killing any spiders I could find. With my limited knowledge of spiders in Australia I assumed they were the very deadly funnel web spiders and wasn't taking any chances of them to hang around. Later my lab mate Tim informed me that they were definitely not funnel web spiders and I have since decided they were sac spiders. Still, who wants those hanging out in your backpack near your head?

The rest of the week did not have any other surprises thankfully. I did have some frustration with other stuff though. To keep a long story short, Matt and I have had all kinds of complications dealing with our US taxes. Because Matt is self-employed we owe taxes to the Oregon Department of Revenue and the Internal Revenue Services. When trying to pay with check information I was told our Oregon bank account was closed. Early Tuesday morning (5 am) I had Matt get up to call our bank to find out what was wrong. When I showed him the checks he told me "Oh, these are really old checks!" Although I had made sure I was using the information on checks that had been used, it turns out Matt had brought a whole box of old checks from a closed account to Australia. He found the current checks and I was finally able to pay the Oregon taxes. Needless to say, I was quite annoyed he not only had kept those checks, but decided to bring them all the way to Australia with us.

Tax frustration continued as I tried to contact the IRS early Tuesday morning. Because we owe so much we need to do a payment plan which requires us to call and make an agreement for that. Also I wanted to understand the bill I had received describing some penalties we had received. I called around 6 am and was told that there would be about a 30-60 minute wait! After being on hold for an hour (I just did other things at the same time) the call just dropped. I didn't have time to try again so I figured I would just call the next day. Wednesday I got up earlier, still had the same issue, and the call ended at an hour. I decided to just try again and this time there was an automated system which of course never understood anything I said. When it put me on hold it somehow was stuck on Spanish. I hung up and called again getting the automated system, but was able to get English. After being on hold another 40 minutes I gave up. Online it said the office was on Eastern Time so I thought perhaps I would try when they were open in the morning (7am EST = 9pm AEST). I tried calling them at 10 pm my time and apparently they were closed! So, at 5am the next day I called again and after 51 minutes of being on hold I finally got a person!! After another hour of being on the phone I sorted out all of our taxes. I hope I never have to go through that experience again.

Unfortunately, there is more to this tax story. After my call finished I did some research and confirmed that even if we become permanent residents here in Australia we will ALWAYS have to do US taxes. This does not mean we pay taxes twice, but the US requires you to claim all foreign income as long as you are a US citizen (see details here). Someone also said because we are on student visas we don't have to pay Australia taxes. Apparently, because I am studying here for more than 6 months Matt and I are considered Australian residents for tax purposes (see details here). So every year we are here we will have to file US and Australia taxes. For all those reading this and thinking that I am wrong....this information is as clear as day on the government websites and I am not willing to risk getting penalised later. In fact, if you live overseas and are a US citizen and not filing US taxes it is possible you will get a large stack of penalties when you return to the US. It's amazing all the things you don't think about when you move to a foreign country! Ignorance is definitely not bliss when you might get a heavy penalty later.

Luckily, everything else this last week has been so difficult. I've been busy getting work done and on Friday I had to attend a compulsory meeting for the Faculty of Science introducing me to Higher Degree Research. It was very boring since I only have three months left and already knew most of what they had to say. The upside is that they had great food and on my way back to the lab I finally remembered to take a picture of these guys...

On my path there are about 20 or more galah's that are just happily snacking on something. This whole week a ton of birds have been there and you have to walk through them. I love Australian wildlife!

The rest of the weekend was great. Matt wasn't working so we got to spend time doing some fun things. One night we went to get burritos and then decided that after spicy stuff we needed some ice cream and went to Gelato Messina. This was Matt's first time going there and he is now addicted of course!

Matt with Salted Caramel with White Chocolate

The next day we needed to go to Penrith (40 minute drive) to drop off some of my surveillance equipment that I needed to return. The place was closed but luckily I called them and somebody was there and just had to open the door for us. We decided to check out the local shopping centre and Matt was able to get a new Lifeproof iPhone case. His previous Lifeproof case was completely falling apart and he was using electrical tape to hold it together. We had an early dinner at Hogs Breath Cafe where Matt complained about their $30 steak and decided to get a cheaper meal. I'm hoping we'll go again sometime and try their special 18 hr slow-cooked steak when Matt isn't such a whiner :).

Saturday was also my monthly night with Josie Mackie. We went to Max Brenner for dessert and had amazing cheesecake and a chocolate soufflé. I had forgotten how amazing that place is!! If it weren't so expensive I would definitely want to go more often.

To top off the weekend Matt and I also bought a Wii Guitar Hero set off ebay and picked it up on Sunday. It was a funny endeavour because Matt wouldn't let me bid on it until the last minute. I'm so impatient that I struggled to wait, but in the end Matt was right as there were no bidders until the last five seconds! It was exciting to win since I have searched for this set forever, but the bidding system is ridiculous. Hopefully I can test out the system tonight!

Last but not least, Matt and I tried to make cookies last night. Although, I am usually quite good at baking, cookies are not my specialty. The dough was great but the cookies turned out very flat and gooey despite leaving them in for extra time. Oh well!

Two Weeks Notice

Recently I made an interesting observation. My new years resolution of blogging each week has been blown out the window. Truthfully, I just felt not much had happened in the last two weeks since my last blog. Nevertheless, this is my two weeks notice... my new goal is to at least blog every two weeks.

The last two weeks have gone by fast! Last week has involved a few events. One day I went to the shopping centre and saw a bunch of cops and sections closed off. I found out that a man had been stabbed to death in a store that morning (click here for the story)! Crazy!

News truck outside the shopping centre

I also was able to visit a friend who just had her baby. Her daughter is adorable, and I'm glad they are doing well and that I happened to visit at a good time!

The biggest events last week involved 21 BYU students. A friend of someone I know in Oregon contacted me months ago about a study abroad trip they were organising for some students. Stacey and her husband were doing a big trip with 21 students from BYU (as part of a course) including New Zealand, multiple stops in Australia, and Fiji. Stacey and I arranged for the students to come help with my tiger research for them to get some research experience for a couple of hours. It was a crazy day!

I met the students at the train station and escorted them to my building where I set them up in pairs on computers. One computer died on me, I had issues with two other computers, and my instructions were way too confusing. In the end I was proud of what they were able to accomplish despite my confusing instructions. It was also really nice to hear their comments at the end of how hard they found it. I'm glad they learned that research isn't always easy and that what I do is long, difficult, and tedious at times.

To my surprise the following day I got a call from Stacey. Everyone was stranded at Epping station with all their luggage! They had missed the last bus and couldn't get to the LDS temple housing in Carlingford. I arranged with another church member, Racheal Laugery, to help me pick them up and take them to the next place. Luckily Racheal has a big 7-seater van, I had the car that night, and we live pretty close! I wish I had a picture of them all on the side of the road with their bags. It took Racheal and I three trips back and forth to take all the student and their luggage! I'm glad it all worked out in the end.

As for this week things have been kind of up and down. Sunday I felt very sick to my stomach and I was surprised I survived church. The next day my abdominal pains continued and I felt a lot of fatigue. I couldn't find anything online that fit all my symptoms and I finally decided I needed to see a doctor. Tuesday my supervisor Jennifer drove me to the doctor. I didn't find out what I had, but the doctor told me it was probably bacterial or viral and to just take it easy and see if it gets better. The pains did get less frequent and only flared up sometimes with food. Finally, on Thursday I could eat normal food and had no pains! I still got tired easily, but the last few days have been great and I have gotten some much needed uni work done.

After months of stress working with the zoo trying to get video surveillance of the tigers, Jennifer and I finally decided to give up and move on. Although I'm frustrated I couldn't get any video, this has been a huge relief! Now I can collect my equipment from the zoo and work on just getting through my data instead of still collecting it. Just three months more and I'll be done with my project!

Finding Little Pleasures

Sometimes when life seems "dark and dreary" it is the little pleasures that can make things seem bright again.

Over a week ago I found something to really look forward to. I was able to book a timeshare at the Gold Coast (courtesy of my dad) for November after my Master's is due! Additionally I also lucked out on getting cheap airfare ($130 roundtrip for the both of us) and a cheap hire car! Now I have something to look forward to after my Master's is over. 

As for some other little pleasures. I had a couple of really great experiences last week. We had a Saturday church activity where members of the ward got together had lots of food, games, and fun. My team ending up winning! 

Musical chairs

We were the Toucans

The next day I had mixed feelings because it was our ward conference where the stake leaders were in charge.  This was the day for my little ward choir to perform as well as a two hour long sacrament meeting. I was nervous about our choir performance and not sure I had the attention span for a long two hour meeting, but in the end it was amazing. The choir was awesome and I could tell all their practice had really paid off. Even the stake president said that he had heard some large ward choirs that would "shake the roof," but our little ward choir "shook [his] soul!" What a compliment! The talks were all awesome and it was a great day. I was also really glad that my last choir directing experience (for a while at least) was a really great one. 

Two of the missionaries that were in the choir and were transferred the next day.

As for the rest of the week not much has happened regarding my project. I have been working at home more and am significantly less stressed! I set goals for myself each day and do my best to meet them. I have gotten through a lot more work at home. I still am no where near the productivity level I would like to be, but for once I am decided to just set small goals and try to do better each day. At this point I have now come to terms that it's not possible to do all that I had originally planned. 

Working late...don't know why it's so dark though.

Shade sometimes thinks he can help

Aside from doing work I also realise its important to do something fun each day as well. I really need something each day to boost morale for the next day. Lately I have spent a couple of hours before bed doing something I want to do. A couple of times I have been playing Mario Kart with Matt. I've also finally gotten back to cleaning once in a while although I'll typically watch Netflix while I do the dishes. At least that way I don't mind doing it. 

Last Saturday we had dinner with our Indian neighbours. It was fun to get to know them better and I'm so glad Matt has been so outgoing in our area. He now has two more side jobs lined up! 

Some days I really just have to find the little pleasures like a beautiful sunset, making and eating yummy food, cuddling with my cat, or good times with friends! Never dismiss the little things!

Orange-soaked bundt cake!

A Series of Events

It is so easy for weeks to fly by without anyone noticing. When we spend each day or week thinking about what has happened sometimes it seems like a lot has happened, but the longer we wait to look back the less "events" we seem to remember. So here are the events of the last two weeks that I can remember. 

One of the young women that I teach from church loves anime and cosplay so she informed me of all the big expo's that she is planning on attending. Most recently was the Supanova Expo on June 14th. Kaytlin Butler often goes to these expo's to represent their institute and tell people about the different design, graphics, audio, film and other degrees or certificates they offer. When I told her I planned on going I was able to get a free pass to help her out!

The expo was pretty awesome with thousands of people in attendance, crazy costumes, and hundreds of booths to see.

From My Neighbour Totoro

I spent most of the time with Brock and Kaytlin and the other students at the SAE institute booth and even helped hand out flyers and explain the college to people. I felt it was only fair that if they got me in for free I should help out as well even if I'm not a student there. One of the other students later asked me what I did for SAE and was surprised that I wasn't affiliated with them since I had been talking to people about the college half the day!

SAE Graphic Design student-Amanda

She made this in just a few hours

One of the major events was the panel with Stan Lee, but Kaytlin and I opted to go see Jon Heder (Napolean Dynamite) who is also a member of our church. He was really funny and the best part was the super fan that went on stage to show Jon Heder his Napolean dance, and he even brought the music. In case you are wondering, it turns out his famous "dance" was completely freelance and filmed on the spot. That just makes it all the better!

I would have enjoyed the expo and seen a lot more if I didn't have a really painful headache. By lunch time I was not doing well and bought a coke to help. Although I hate coke, the caffeine helped until I ran out. Then a student at the booth gave me a V energy drink that helped for another couple of hours.  Finally, I went to the First Aid area and got some painkillers and was fine 20 minutes later. I should have done that earlier before I consumed all the caffeine!

After the expo I went to meet Josie Mackie for gelato in Parramatta (click here for stores). They had an amazing apple pie gelato that was so yummy! We had a great time chatting and I am always amazed at how much we have in common. We're both really chatty so that always makes for good conversation that isn't one-sided. I'm excited for when her sister comes to visit next month!

Everything after the expo seems very uneventful. A few small events have involved my camera surveillance system. While testing it at home I found that I had two cameras that were faulty and had to be replaced, then while testing it all at Uni we struggled to get the video on the screen (eventually we worked it out), and lastly we tried to work with the mic they gave us and gave up on having the audio at all.

Although I think we've sorted out the equipment stuff now, we are still waiting on getting approval to put them up. Apparently someone has to approve the "ethics" of doing it and then we arrange a time with the zoo electricians to put them up. On the bright side I have checked the audio I am getting from the second song meter (audio recorder) I put up near the tiger enclosure with big Satu and he has some great vocalisations!

Another event was Matt and I signed another 12 month lease to stay at our townhouse for another year! Our rent went up slightly ($1580 to $1600/mth) but we are happy we can stay where we are at. We have many friends close by, it's a relatively easy distance to uni and work for Matt, and we have plenty of space.

Matt has also been really blessed as he is continuously finding painting side jobs to do. He will finish up with our neighbour Catherine's place this week and she has already referred two of her friends. Although this means I don't see him much, he's happy earning extra money and this will really help us for the future whether paying for visas to stay in Australia or paying to return to the US.

Unfortunately I only took a picture of the food.

Last Sunday Matt and I went to hang out with the Barnett's and others for a "shortest day of the year" get together. We had great food, great company, and a great time! I'm always amazed at how well all of the young couples get along in the ward. The only hard part is that our ward is growing with more awesome people so it is difficult to have everyone together at one place. Luckily, the Barnett's had plenty of space for everyone that came. Some day I'd like to have a large house where I can invite as many people as I want to things and never have to be concerned about the space available.



Last Wednesday I went on splits with the sister missionaries. All of the missionaries do splits with members where one missionary goes with one member to visit people that may be less-active or a referral from another member. Unfortunately the sister and I didn't find who we were looking for, but met some of their awesome neighbours! I was surprised to learn that the missionaries are not encouraged to do much tracting (knocking on doors). In my mission that was a major part of the work, although I wouldn't say it was the most effective. The missionaries are out and about looking for those that are ready to receive the gospel of Jesus Christ and sometimes going out and knocking doors is a good way to find those people. Nevertheless, I trust that the Lord will inspire the missionaries to find those people that may be ready to return to the church, or those that want to learn about and accept the gospel.

The only other minor events involve the cat. We got him a new toy which he had de-stuffed in a few days. Also, a few days ago I noticed Matt hadn't left out vitamins for me as usual (I always forget to take multi-vitamins) and I quickly discovered why. I found two of the tablets on the floor, one with a piece bitten off, but the third fish oil capsule was nowhere to be found. My only assumption is that Shade had thoroughly enjoyed the fish oil one and therefore no traces was left behind.

Well I hope everyone has a good week!

The Panacea for Depression

A couple of weeks ago I decided I was going to work more actively on getting over depression. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I have always known the Lord doesn't want me to sad and depressed. I know that the negative thoughts and feelings aren't part of who I am, but sometimes it is hard to remember in high-stress moments. The gospel of Jesus Christ is filled with light and hope and happiness and as much as I knew it, I struggled to live it. When I really took a step back from everything going on in my life, my first thought is that I had stopped doing the things that could really give me the Lord's help and the spiritual and emotional strength to get over depression.

Step 1: Personal scripture study
Knowing that I would struggle to read just scriptures at first, I decided to read a General Conference talk a day starting from 1971. I can tell you the 70's were not like today, but the messages from the apostles, prophets and other leaders still gave messages that are just as relevant now. This is such a simple thing, but I truly believe that I wasn't getting better because I was pushing spiritual nourishment away. Reading talks is just the first of many things I hope to improve spiritually.

Step 2: Depression bibliotherapy

This is a huge step! A part of me doesn't want to get help on my depression because I can use it as a justification for my laziness. I need help and so I searched for a good self-therapy book using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and committed myself to read it. I chose Feeling Good by David Burns (click here for his website) after reading the amazing reviews. I'm positive I chose a good book and I just need to commit to reading it little by little and doing the exercises. I really struggled when I took the depression test and I scored "Severe Depression." Somehow I kept thinking that my depression wasn't that severe and that was a hard reality for me. Nevertheless, I am doing something about it!

Some may not understand my choice of a book versus counselling and medication. I have a BS degree in Psychology and in my classes and research I gained a strong belief in cognitive behavioural therapy. Instead of rushing to drugs why not learn what causes you to get depressed in the first place and prevent it from happening? Basically cognitive behavioural therapy whether through counselling or self-help therapy through books or online resources helps you analyse your thought processes that leads to negative thinking. Over time you can learn to develop positive responses to negative events and thoughts. The trick is just to actually work at it!

Step 3: Remove possible stressors
The next thing I have been working on is just trying to find ways to remove the stressors and help myself to work more effectively. I've known for a while that I am actually more productive at home when working on my research project, but I constantly felt that I had to be at the university. There are a lot of stressors that contribute to that environment. So, I have been spending just a couple more days at home and my mood is a lot better and if I need a little break I can do that. I can't avoid going to the university, but as long as I balance at work and home time it's easier to get through the week.

All of these are helping me and I feel confident I will slowly get better. I will still have major downs during this process, but I just have to stick with it. I learned the word panacea in the Feeling Good book. A panacea is a "cure-all" which the author of Feeling Good constantly reminds how the book is not a panacea. I started thinking about it and I decided that in a way The Gospel of Jesus Christ is a panacea. I'm not going to go into detail, but I believe with all my heart that there is NO problem that the Lord cannot solve.