About the title - sometimes great titles come to mind for me as I start writing about events. This time I just opened my planner up to the last day I wrote a blog and noted that I had waffles that day. I love waffles which is why we bought a waffle maker to have them whenever. You know how waffles have all those deep craters where you can pool your butter and syrup to make a delicious and tasty bite every time? It is why they are so superior to pancakes. Well, I feel like since my last blog post I have fallen into multiple craters, but instead of a syrupy delight, I got a sticky mess. No worries though, there have been good times to.
APRIL
Happy Times:I got a complimentary foot detox at Zen Chi. Apparently most of my issues were with my joints according to the water colors.
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| This was at the end of the 30 minutes |
Our first AirBnB guests came and stayed for a week. They were from Samoa/New Zealand and were in town for a funeral. We barely saw them, but when they first arrived we had a great talk with them.
Sakura had fun with daddy at Lollipops, and friends at games night.
Our ward also had a fun dance party activity! Sakura danced and partied the whole night! I just hoped she didn't outshine those that had prepared a special dance for the evening. :)
Not so Happy Times:
Sakura had an accident with the honey jar. Totally my fault because she wanted to get the honey out of the jar as I had done. I put it on the ground with her thinking she would just realise it was closed and move on. She decided to pick it up and either threw it or dropped it - I just heard the glass crash behind me. The end result was a cut toe - luckily no stitches required.
MAY
Happy Times:
AirBnB
New AirBnB guests were from Argentina and I got to practice lots of Spanish! After a few days I started to dream in Spanish again. I finally got to try mate for the first time, and to no one's surprise, Matt and I didn't like it. Funny enough, my "mate celestial" that used shredded coconut, milk, and cinnamon in the mate was a big hit with Matt. He made his own version of the drink for a few nights after that. We also enjoyed doing a few fun things with Vero and Andres while they stayed with us, including going to the beach, going to see the new Avengers movie in the theater, and going to Wild Koala Day.
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| Doesn't look like winter... |
Our house actually felt really empty when they left and we were sad they were gone. Luckily they moved about 15 minutes away as they are trying to get permanent residency here. We met them one Sunday afternoon at Tinchi Tamba Wetlands to have a BBQ and catch up. It was great and there are even wild kangaroos there!
We got other AirBnB guests a week after our Argentinan friends left. The new couple are from France but have been in Australia about eight months on a working holiday visa, also hoping for permanent residency. They booked for 35 days when they are going back to France to visit family and hopefully return to Australia a couple months later. We weren't sure how a month would go, but we figured we would try it out. This time we got a mini fridge for them so they could save money and eat at home. It has been really fun. We talk a lot and have had lots of fun playing board games. They have been just relaxing and enjoying this last month because it has been too difficult to get a job. This means they have both been home a lot and Sakura has loved having extra play mates! We are so glad we decided to host and meet so many great people!
Water Fast
Matt has done two water fasts and I felt prompted to try and do one too since I haven't been breastfeeding or am pregnant. I started Sunday May 5th and just sipped water constantly. To my surprise, I didn't really feel hungry. I went through my regular routine for the most part and wasn't really weak like Matt had been. Any time I felt a little hungry I just kept sipping my water and the desire went away. By day 3 I had a bowel movement where your built up stuff in your gut gets cleaned out from fasting. I think Matt had this happen much later - Day 7 I believe. This happened again on day 6. It was a pretty funny story - see below. I finally ended it on day 7. It was actually really easy, but I missed the joys of eating more than feeling the need. I suddenly understood why some people could be anorexic. What's interesting about that mental illness is that many believe they are strong because of the self control they have to exercise all the time. It does require a LOT of self-discipline to stick with it, but I knew the health benefits would outweigh the costs. I do think anyone that tries it should make sure they have an accountability partner,. If I had body image issues I could have easily developed some anorexia behaviours. Surprisingly, I HATED what my body looked like at the end. I reached my target body weight - 54kg (actually I got just below this), and I was 18% body fat approximately. I thought I looked weird and bony. I'm glad I now know I'm happier with how I look with a bit more fat and muscle!
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| A Japanese pancake I couldn't eat :( |
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| How I felt fasting :) |
My friend Cate Innis was going to Paradise Country to celebrate Finley's 2nd birthday. I wasn't sure how I would handle walking around on my fast, but I went. Sakura had been teething and was extra sensitive and whingy that day, but she LOVED the animal farm. We actually spent the most time at the playground in the end.
(WARNING: Some unpleasant toilet talk to follow)
So while at Paradise Country I decided to purchase a juice slushee for Sakura that comes in this nice souvenir cup. To my surprise she only had a couple of sips. She fell asleep on the way to the car and I had this yummy slushee in my hand thinking about how I was going to break my fast tomorrow and how weak I felt. Naturally, I decided to drink it. Luckily I was smart enough to drink it very slowly. At about 30 minutes of driving, Sakura woke up and I had to find a way to occupy her. By about 20 minutes left to home I started to feel some familiar movement in my bowels. NOT good timing! I was holding it all in as hard as I could for the last 15 minutes and managed to get out of the car but getting Sakura out was difficult and my body couldn't hold it anymore. You guessed it... all in my pants, and it was a LOT! Oddly enough, I was extremely thankful for garments as my special church underwear contained the mess. I got Sakura set up with a show and managed to clean up including a thorough shower. As I mentioned before, when water fasting any bowel movements are very old built up remains in your system. This meant that for me it was thick and sticky Ugh!! I am telling you this for a reason...bear with me. So I spent a lot of time in the shower trying to scrub this stuff off and I tried to clean the shower to the best of my ability before exiting.
As I was dressing, Sakura decided to take a look in the shower. She just walked around in her boots which were gross from the animals anyway so I thought nothing of it. I glanced over to see how she was going and she was now splashing her hands in my potentially contaminated shower remains. Another second, now she's wetting her hands and her hair in the dirty water! It's a good thing she loves baths!
Mothers day!
VIPKIDS
For a while I have wanted to do online tutoring, but finally I followed through with something I hadn't tried. VIPKIDS is a company that teaches English to kids in China. There are something like 60,000 teachers I believe. They require you to have a degree and be North American because the students learn English from the United States mostly. Luckily, I met the criteria even though I live in Australia. The application process was a bit involved though. Here's a very brief run down....
1. Online application for a position.
2. Interview with someone an employee in China where you teach a "mock" class with your interviewer using the materials they provide you. You want this to be as legit as possible so it required a bit of prepwork including props and whatnot.
3. Certification for Level 2 and 3. This is where you study and review material to teach another "mock" class with a VIPKID tutor. They provide two separate classes and you will only know which the tutor will pick at the mock class. Again, lots of prep!
4. Certification for Level 4 and 5. This is optional, but I figured better to get it all over and done with. It's the same as above, but the kids you would be teaching are more advanced so you can use bigger sentences and the material is way more complex.
5. Fill out all the paperwork for your background check, tax details etc. Also complete the profile video and profile details to complete your contract.
It is A LOT of work to get that all sorted and I watched a lot of Youtube videos for help. I completed my certifications 1st try and when I opened up slots for bookings I soon had five classes booked! I could talk so much about this, but I won't. If you are interested in more details just ask me! Mostly I just want to say that so far it has been AMAZING! I've learned a lot from the process, and I love teaching! I have mostly taught level 4 kids that are around 9-11 and I'm so impressed by them. I teach at night when it is the best time for the students in China and Matt is putting Sakura to bed. I love trying to be creative and help expand their understanding. It's also really good for me to feel like I have something else in my life that is all mine. The income isn't much ($16/hr) and especially when I consider I have to pay taxes. Nevertheless, I hope that the little hear and there I gain will help pay off my student loans, which is the whole purpose for doing this. We shall see how things go in the future. (Here is my referral link if you are interested)
Pressure Cooker Awesomeness
We finally bought a Philips multi-cooker from Costco since the Instant Pot isn't available here in Australia. It has been AWESOME! I've made coconut yoghurt, salsa chicken, pulled pork, meatloaf and mashed potatoes, fall-off-the-bone BBQ ribs, and more. It almost always saves me time, and the food tastes better. My pulled pork recipe usually takes 12 hours in the slow cooker and only took 1.5 hours in the pressure cooker. I still don't know how to use it well enough to know what I am doing, but so far I haven't had anything not work out.
Jayliano's
During my fast I missed the joys of eating. So Matt and I decided a couple of weeks after my fast we would go to an all you can eat buffet called Jayliano's. Since it would take place during our usual game's night we invited our game's night friends to come and we organised a babysitter for the night. It was sooo good! They had delicious steak, pork belly, chicken parmigiana, beef curry, and much, much more. In terms of what I have seen from many American buffets, it did not have a lot of options, but what it did have was pretty good quality. To my surprise, Matt and I felt ok even with our consumption of gluten and dairy. The only issue was we at too much of it all. We still managed to have a really fun game of Red Dragon Inn that night though.
Games Night
Games nights were pretty successful for May. We had games with the Biddle family, our French AirBnB friends, and the one night with the Wilson family, Ella, and the French couple together.
Baby Monitor
I ordered a baby monitor from Amazon but it wouldn't ship to Australia. So I had to send it to my sister who could then forward it on to me. I was so excited when it arrived! The new baby monitor is SOOOO much better than my previous one even when it was working properly. We can move the camera to see her, it has much better zoom and sound capabilities, and overall we are glad to have gotten a better one. Now I don't have to listen to an annoying beeping noise all night just so I can see if she is ok when she cries. Many times she will wake up crying but isn't really needing anyone, just vocally expressing her discomfort or pain as far as we can tell. Video monitors are perfect for me to assess whether I should let her go back to sleep on her own or get up and comfort her.
Sakura's Cuteness
Not so Happy Times:
The poop incident actually made me laugh, but I wouldn't call it a happy time. I had managed to make dinner and was bathing Sakura before Matt got home. As I took Sakura's nappy off she did a poo, but I managed to get it sorted with the diaper. I was glad it came out prior to the tub at least. I was wrong, she later did an even bigger poop in the tub. I quickly got her out and wrapped a towel around her. I let her wander off while I cleaned up the mess. Just when I cleaned up the bath tub and toys to go around the corner I saw a MASSIVE load of poo that started in the hallway then trailed into the kitchen and was all over Sakura's legs. She wasn't too happy about being messy either so I took a crying child back to the tub for a good long scrub. When everything was clean I just let her play in the warm soapy water with toys while I cleaned the room. Matt came in just as I had cleaned all but the carpet. The tile was easy, but all my efforts on the carpet just left a slight bleached mark everywhere I cleaned the poo. Oy!
The results of our Tinchi Tamba BBQ involved Sakura having something like 15 mosquito bites, and I had 25 or so (17 just on one leg). I had made sure to spray myself liberally right when getting out of the car there and I also made sure Sakura was thoroughly sprayed as well. Apparently these guys didn't care. This resulted in itchiness that was so severe no essential oil or creme seemed to help and Sakura would scream and try to scratch the bites at night. Facebook finally helped that one and I used some Medicreme as recommended by one mum. It wasn't perfect, but it helped enough to let us sleep.
Sakura and I got sick. I'm not sure if it was a response to the ross river virus carried by mozzies, but I had horrible fatigue, hot and cold flashes, and severe joint pain. Sakura seemed to have similar issues, so neither of us were getting good sleep. My problems took many days to subside, but finally my temperature went back to normal and I felt good enough to do things again.
JUNE
Happy Times:
A mother from a mum's group I am in agreed to do a babysitting swap. She watches Sakura on Monday from 9:30-2:30 and I watch her son Cristiano on Thursdays. Our first week was a success! I took them both to Croc's Playcentre. It was my first taste of what it would be like to have twins. It didn't help that Sakura was off her rocker and super sensitive that day. Nevertheless, I count it as a happy time because there were still lots of cute moments and they had fun.
Despite still being sick I got to help a friend pack up part of his house. I was slow, but it felt good to help them get things prepped and ready for their move at the end of the month.
Health issues still ablaze, I decided Sakura and I needed to get up and out of the house. We went to the Caboolture Show (basically like a local fair), where there were cows, horses, sheep, shows, rides, and more. They even had an aquarium/fish section and a horticulture section that was judged. Who knew? Sakura had a blast! The animal farm was her favourite and this time I decided to even pay some money for the pony ride. Unfortunately, she was over the moon to see the pony, pet the pony, and talk to the pony, but riding it was another matter entirely. The best part for me was that she had a good sleep in the car when we arrived so I could rest, and again when we got home.
We also went to the city Sunday afternoon for a stroll around the botannical gardens. Sakura had a blast and it was a great place for me to relax as well as she could run around wherever and I could still see her. The best part was when she fell asleep and I stopped to take a nap as well on the blanket I had brought. I love Queensland!
Not so Happy Times:
After all my joint pain and temperature issues subsided I started to get pains in my mouth near the farthest back molar. This happens from time to time as food gets stuck and then the gums get inflamed and start to swell up and over the tooth. Years ago I had this happen and saw a dentist who referred me to a specialist to help prevent this gum problem from re-occurring. I don't remember the particulars, but he couldn't do anything. So I flossed like crazy and did not seem to find anything stuck there. Suddenly the gums started swelling on my other side of the mouth. The third day all of my gums were swollen and very painful. I was already taking extra vitamin c, doing hydrogen peroxide rinses, and trying to eat only soft food, etc. At that point I booked an appointment with the dentist. I was diagnosed with severe gingivitis, or periodontitis, with mouth ulcers. As I am usually very regular with brushing my teeth this seemed like just another example of how my immune system was struggling. She prescribed antibiotics, an antiseptic mouthwash, and a steroid cream for the mouth ulcers. I DID NOT want to take antibiotics. Our rule is only in emergencies. I contacted a naturopath and followed what she advised. Unfortunately, the issue only worsened overnight. I felt so defeated and worried Matt would not approve if I took the antibiotics and blame me if my health worsened later (this sentence is cognitive distortion loaded by the way). Anyway, I got a blessing and felt that my immune system just couldn't do the job fast enough and so I needed the antibiotics to help. Since then, the issue has improved a little every day. My mouth still hurts, especially in the two back spots, but I can eat almost normal again. I did go nearly a day and a half without any food hoping it would help - it didn't.
It seemed Sakura had this problem as well because her mouth seemed very sensitive, her gums bled, she had sores on her mouth, and even struggled to eat. For her, not eating is a BIG deal. After just a few days though everything seemed to get better. I am hoping things will stay better for her because I do not know there is a good way to put her through the same regimen I am going through.
Overall, It has been a busy and hectic month and a half. Lots of good and not so good times. I saw a doctor today and realised that I need to get back to seeing a psychologist and maybe even get antidepressants this time. I thought I was getting a whole lot better, but all of this has been a clear message that I am not CONSISTENTLY improving and therein lies the problem. I am frequently angry with Sakura, Matt, or myself and I have regular mild panic attacks over seemingly small things. I think it is putting my body into such a high stress mode that it is struggling to handle anything at this point. You may agree or disagree with this, but I definitely feel that if you can't find joy and happiness on a regular basis in your life (despite negative experiences on occasion), something needs to change. In this case, it's me.
More Sakura CUTENESS!
(WARNING: Some unpleasant toilet talk to follow)
So while at Paradise Country I decided to purchase a juice slushee for Sakura that comes in this nice souvenir cup. To my surprise she only had a couple of sips. She fell asleep on the way to the car and I had this yummy slushee in my hand thinking about how I was going to break my fast tomorrow and how weak I felt. Naturally, I decided to drink it. Luckily I was smart enough to drink it very slowly. At about 30 minutes of driving, Sakura woke up and I had to find a way to occupy her. By about 20 minutes left to home I started to feel some familiar movement in my bowels. NOT good timing! I was holding it all in as hard as I could for the last 15 minutes and managed to get out of the car but getting Sakura out was difficult and my body couldn't hold it anymore. You guessed it... all in my pants, and it was a LOT! Oddly enough, I was extremely thankful for garments as my special church underwear contained the mess. I got Sakura set up with a show and managed to clean up including a thorough shower. As I mentioned before, when water fasting any bowel movements are very old built up remains in your system. This meant that for me it was thick and sticky Ugh!! I am telling you this for a reason...bear with me. So I spent a lot of time in the shower trying to scrub this stuff off and I tried to clean the shower to the best of my ability before exiting.
As I was dressing, Sakura decided to take a look in the shower. She just walked around in her boots which were gross from the animals anyway so I thought nothing of it. I glanced over to see how she was going and she was now splashing her hands in my potentially contaminated shower remains. Another second, now she's wetting her hands and her hair in the dirty water! It's a good thing she loves baths!
Mothers day!
I loved my handmade gift for mother's day from Sakura! I'm so glad our childcare does this. Matt also gave me some nice alone time so overall it wasn't a terrible day. I made up for the lack of food later.
VIPKIDS
For a while I have wanted to do online tutoring, but finally I followed through with something I hadn't tried. VIPKIDS is a company that teaches English to kids in China. There are something like 60,000 teachers I believe. They require you to have a degree and be North American because the students learn English from the United States mostly. Luckily, I met the criteria even though I live in Australia. The application process was a bit involved though. Here's a very brief run down....
1. Online application for a position.
2. Interview with someone an employee in China where you teach a "mock" class with your interviewer using the materials they provide you. You want this to be as legit as possible so it required a bit of prepwork including props and whatnot.
3. Certification for Level 2 and 3. This is where you study and review material to teach another "mock" class with a VIPKID tutor. They provide two separate classes and you will only know which the tutor will pick at the mock class. Again, lots of prep!
4. Certification for Level 4 and 5. This is optional, but I figured better to get it all over and done with. It's the same as above, but the kids you would be teaching are more advanced so you can use bigger sentences and the material is way more complex.
5. Fill out all the paperwork for your background check, tax details etc. Also complete the profile video and profile details to complete your contract.
It is A LOT of work to get that all sorted and I watched a lot of Youtube videos for help. I completed my certifications 1st try and when I opened up slots for bookings I soon had five classes booked! I could talk so much about this, but I won't. If you are interested in more details just ask me! Mostly I just want to say that so far it has been AMAZING! I've learned a lot from the process, and I love teaching! I have mostly taught level 4 kids that are around 9-11 and I'm so impressed by them. I teach at night when it is the best time for the students in China and Matt is putting Sakura to bed. I love trying to be creative and help expand their understanding. It's also really good for me to feel like I have something else in my life that is all mine. The income isn't much ($16/hr) and especially when I consider I have to pay taxes. Nevertheless, I hope that the little hear and there I gain will help pay off my student loans, which is the whole purpose for doing this. We shall see how things go in the future. (Here is my referral link if you are interested)
Pressure Cooker Awesomeness
We finally bought a Philips multi-cooker from Costco since the Instant Pot isn't available here in Australia. It has been AWESOME! I've made coconut yoghurt, salsa chicken, pulled pork, meatloaf and mashed potatoes, fall-off-the-bone BBQ ribs, and more. It almost always saves me time, and the food tastes better. My pulled pork recipe usually takes 12 hours in the slow cooker and only took 1.5 hours in the pressure cooker. I still don't know how to use it well enough to know what I am doing, but so far I haven't had anything not work out.
Jayliano's
During my fast I missed the joys of eating. So Matt and I decided a couple of weeks after my fast we would go to an all you can eat buffet called Jayliano's. Since it would take place during our usual game's night we invited our game's night friends to come and we organised a babysitter for the night. It was sooo good! They had delicious steak, pork belly, chicken parmigiana, beef curry, and much, much more. In terms of what I have seen from many American buffets, it did not have a lot of options, but what it did have was pretty good quality. To my surprise, Matt and I felt ok even with our consumption of gluten and dairy. The only issue was we at too much of it all. We still managed to have a really fun game of Red Dragon Inn that night though.
Games Night
Games nights were pretty successful for May. We had games with the Biddle family, our French AirBnB friends, and the one night with the Wilson family, Ella, and the French couple together.
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| Can you see Shade? |
Baby Monitor
I ordered a baby monitor from Amazon but it wouldn't ship to Australia. So I had to send it to my sister who could then forward it on to me. I was so excited when it arrived! The new baby monitor is SOOOO much better than my previous one even when it was working properly. We can move the camera to see her, it has much better zoom and sound capabilities, and overall we are glad to have gotten a better one. Now I don't have to listen to an annoying beeping noise all night just so I can see if she is ok when she cries. Many times she will wake up crying but isn't really needing anyone, just vocally expressing her discomfort or pain as far as we can tell. Video monitors are perfect for me to assess whether I should let her go back to sleep on her own or get up and comfort her.
Sakura's Cuteness
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| Playgroup |
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| If only we could get her to wear the hat for longer periods |
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| Another playgroup - future boyfriend? :) |
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| It's electric! |
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| Face first down the slide with grandma watching! |
Not so Happy Times:
The poop incident actually made me laugh, but I wouldn't call it a happy time. I had managed to make dinner and was bathing Sakura before Matt got home. As I took Sakura's nappy off she did a poo, but I managed to get it sorted with the diaper. I was glad it came out prior to the tub at least. I was wrong, she later did an even bigger poop in the tub. I quickly got her out and wrapped a towel around her. I let her wander off while I cleaned up the mess. Just when I cleaned up the bath tub and toys to go around the corner I saw a MASSIVE load of poo that started in the hallway then trailed into the kitchen and was all over Sakura's legs. She wasn't too happy about being messy either so I took a crying child back to the tub for a good long scrub. When everything was clean I just let her play in the warm soapy water with toys while I cleaned the room. Matt came in just as I had cleaned all but the carpet. The tile was easy, but all my efforts on the carpet just left a slight bleached mark everywhere I cleaned the poo. Oy!
The results of our Tinchi Tamba BBQ involved Sakura having something like 15 mosquito bites, and I had 25 or so (17 just on one leg). I had made sure to spray myself liberally right when getting out of the car there and I also made sure Sakura was thoroughly sprayed as well. Apparently these guys didn't care. This resulted in itchiness that was so severe no essential oil or creme seemed to help and Sakura would scream and try to scratch the bites at night. Facebook finally helped that one and I used some Medicreme as recommended by one mum. It wasn't perfect, but it helped enough to let us sleep.
Sakura and I got sick. I'm not sure if it was a response to the ross river virus carried by mozzies, but I had horrible fatigue, hot and cold flashes, and severe joint pain. Sakura seemed to have similar issues, so neither of us were getting good sleep. My problems took many days to subside, but finally my temperature went back to normal and I felt good enough to do things again.
JUNE
Happy Times:
A mother from a mum's group I am in agreed to do a babysitting swap. She watches Sakura on Monday from 9:30-2:30 and I watch her son Cristiano on Thursdays. Our first week was a success! I took them both to Croc's Playcentre. It was my first taste of what it would be like to have twins. It didn't help that Sakura was off her rocker and super sensitive that day. Nevertheless, I count it as a happy time because there were still lots of cute moments and they had fun.
A friend had a baby blessing on Sunday and we got to have some fun in the park afterwards with friends. Sakura spent about 80% of the time on the swing, but then she learned how to play a little soccer for the first time!
Despite still being sick I got to help a friend pack up part of his house. I was slow, but it felt good to help them get things prepped and ready for their move at the end of the month.
Health issues still ablaze, I decided Sakura and I needed to get up and out of the house. We went to the Caboolture Show (basically like a local fair), where there were cows, horses, sheep, shows, rides, and more. They even had an aquarium/fish section and a horticulture section that was judged. Who knew? Sakura had a blast! The animal farm was her favourite and this time I decided to even pay some money for the pony ride. Unfortunately, she was over the moon to see the pony, pet the pony, and talk to the pony, but riding it was another matter entirely. The best part for me was that she had a good sleep in the car when we arrived so I could rest, and again when we got home.
We also went to the city Sunday afternoon for a stroll around the botannical gardens. Sakura had a blast and it was a great place for me to relax as well as she could run around wherever and I could still see her. The best part was when she fell asleep and I stopped to take a nap as well on the blanket I had brought. I love Queensland!
Not so Happy Times:
After all my joint pain and temperature issues subsided I started to get pains in my mouth near the farthest back molar. This happens from time to time as food gets stuck and then the gums get inflamed and start to swell up and over the tooth. Years ago I had this happen and saw a dentist who referred me to a specialist to help prevent this gum problem from re-occurring. I don't remember the particulars, but he couldn't do anything. So I flossed like crazy and did not seem to find anything stuck there. Suddenly the gums started swelling on my other side of the mouth. The third day all of my gums were swollen and very painful. I was already taking extra vitamin c, doing hydrogen peroxide rinses, and trying to eat only soft food, etc. At that point I booked an appointment with the dentist. I was diagnosed with severe gingivitis, or periodontitis, with mouth ulcers. As I am usually very regular with brushing my teeth this seemed like just another example of how my immune system was struggling. She prescribed antibiotics, an antiseptic mouthwash, and a steroid cream for the mouth ulcers. I DID NOT want to take antibiotics. Our rule is only in emergencies. I contacted a naturopath and followed what she advised. Unfortunately, the issue only worsened overnight. I felt so defeated and worried Matt would not approve if I took the antibiotics and blame me if my health worsened later (this sentence is cognitive distortion loaded by the way). Anyway, I got a blessing and felt that my immune system just couldn't do the job fast enough and so I needed the antibiotics to help. Since then, the issue has improved a little every day. My mouth still hurts, especially in the two back spots, but I can eat almost normal again. I did go nearly a day and a half without any food hoping it would help - it didn't.
It seemed Sakura had this problem as well because her mouth seemed very sensitive, her gums bled, she had sores on her mouth, and even struggled to eat. For her, not eating is a BIG deal. After just a few days though everything seemed to get better. I am hoping things will stay better for her because I do not know there is a good way to put her through the same regimen I am going through.
Overall, It has been a busy and hectic month and a half. Lots of good and not so good times. I saw a doctor today and realised that I need to get back to seeing a psychologist and maybe even get antidepressants this time. I thought I was getting a whole lot better, but all of this has been a clear message that I am not CONSISTENTLY improving and therein lies the problem. I am frequently angry with Sakura, Matt, or myself and I have regular mild panic attacks over seemingly small things. I think it is putting my body into such a high stress mode that it is struggling to handle anything at this point. You may agree or disagree with this, but I definitely feel that if you can't find joy and happiness on a regular basis in your life (despite negative experiences on occasion), something needs to change. In this case, it's me.
More Sakura CUTENESS!
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