Adjusting to Motherhood

I've now had over 6 weeks of being a mother! Many people have asked me how things are going and the only thing I can say is that it has its ups and downs.

Well it turns out I have a very fussy baby. She is still my little angel, but the bouts of inconsolable crying can be quite frustrating. The crying seems to be one of three things - reflux, pain of some sort, and tiredness. As I'm told this is "normal" and a frequent experience for new mothers that doesn't make it any easier. Naturally, my first plan of attack was to see what I could do to fix the issue. In the first few weeks I prayed constantly and felt that if I couldn't do anything I just had to accept it and help her get through the crying the best I could. I realised that if millions of children survived with long bouts of crying then mine could to. Nevertheless, I have found some solutions such as using Biohawk (Biohawk.com.au) products with my meals and before breastfeeding to minimise reflux, cranial osteopathy from my doctor to help with pains and reflux, and I've read a book called the No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley which has helped me be able to get her to sleep better. Over the last week I have finally had "happy" awake time and her naps can sometimes last a couple of hours. I still struggle to get her to sleep for long periods prior to midnight, but the last two days she fell asleep around 10pm. One night she even slept for 5 hours straight! Typically I'm happy with 3-4 hour gaps between feeds during the night. For the most part I'm getting 7+ hours of sleep total a night so I can't complain too much. Fussy days are just hard to go out or get anything done.

A local friend of mine and I have been getting together nearly every week with our bubs. Sahara is 4 weeks older than Sakura, but it is amazing how similar they are in size! Our play dates are fun as we both spend half the time trying to calm our babies. It's good to see the differences as well because as a first time mom I have no idea what other babies do or don't do so sometimes I just assume all babies must be like mine. I'm excited to see these two as they get older and become more aware of each other. They are going to be besties for sure! (Pictures are in order from oldest to newest)

Church has been a bit of an adjustment for me. It's hard to have a fussy baby be calm for 3 hours straight. Most of the time she can make it through sacrament, but the other two hours I tend to spend in and out of the mother's room. I was really bummed when I missed all of relief society once, but as a wise Charles Whitaker told me - once you have a family your spiritual nourishment happens more within your own home (paraphrased). The last couple of weeks have been better though where I have brought a bottle of expressed milk and Matt has been able to take her the whole time. It works out because he doesn't mind missing classes (and likely loves the excuse). Since Matt works 6 days a week Sunday is also the only full day he has with her.

Expressing milk in bottles can be a bit of a chore. It's hard to dedicate time to it and because I have been trying to save bottles for Matt to feed her a lot of milk gets wasted. Some days Matt is so busy he doesn't get to interact with or hold her because she is asleep. So because I haven't been regularly giving her a bottle a day she often refuses to drink from it. The ideal conditions to do it is when she is calm and really hungry which doesn't happen often. I need to get better at trying it every day because if I ever want to use a babysitter I want her to be able to take a bottle. Additionally, it will make it less stressful for me when I am out and about.

That's about it as far as updates go. It's hard to remember things at the moment and even more difficult to find time to dedicate to the blog - so in the future I expect these to be shorter with more pictures.

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope your holidays are spectacular!

Our Tiny Human Is Here!

After 40 weeks and 3 days, pregnancy ended and motherhood began. Please welcome Sakura Lily Rose to the world!

She was born on October 30th at 3:44 AM at 8 lbs 10 oz and 55 cm in length.

Now before I go into a lot of detail about her arrival, there was a lot going on leading up to the big event that I want to cover.

Firstly, on September 30th (in Australia) my grandfather on my father's side passed away at the age of 90. Rex Woodruff was a wonderful man and although I never spent significant amounts of time with my grandparents I will always remember his constant desire to serve. This was not a sad event for me. He lived a great life and at the end old age was taking its toll. I knew without a doubt that because he had worked so hard to live a righteous and honorable life that he had returned to his Heavenly Father and was in a state of peace. In the LDS church we call this Spirit Paradise which is that "part of the spirit world in which the righteous spirits who have departed from this life await the resurrection of the body. It is a condition of happiness and peace." (lds.org) Rex has left a wonderful legacy behind with 7 children, 29 grandchildren, and now 18 great grandchildren! I will always miss our big Christmas dinners at my grandparents house with all of the cousins. I'm so grateful to have had such a wonderful example as a grandfather! Here is a link to his obituary.. http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/deseretnews/obituary.aspx?n=rex-marvin-woodruff&pid=186839574&fhid=4550.


On a lighter note, Matt and I have kept busy while waiting for bub to arrive. One weekend we did archery with the YSA. Another weekend we had the Stake Ball which is a formal dance night and the organisers had done an amazing job decorating to fit the Beauty and the Beast theme. Unfortunately, Matt didn't feel well so I went alone, but I was glad I went! This was also the weekend of General Conference. As you may recall I had previously worked on a puzzle each time, but as I had finished the last one I decided to try painting this time. It was so relaxing to paint something for the baby room while listening to the leaders of the church speak.

Another big event was my baby shower. I organised it with a few women from the ward and I think it all turned out well! I was hesitant to do anything to begin with, but I realised it would be a good opportunity for women in the ward to get to know me better and for me to get excited about the new addition to my family. The shower was a lot of fun with games and refreshments. One woman in the ward made a fabulous decorated cake as well which tasted just as amazing as it looked! I am so lucky to have such a wonderful group of people in my life!

Paper Towel Baby Outfit Game

What Will Bub Look Like Game

My mom arrived October 18th and we got to spend lots of time catching up and shopping for the baby. It has been a very long time since I have been able to chat to my mom like that and although we were anxiously awaiting the baby to arrive it was awesome to have that time together. We went on lots of walks, toured Australia Zoo, rode bikes around Brisbane, and spent a day at Noosa Heads beach.

Lake Kurwongbah

Lake Eden

Australia Zoo

Brisbane

Noosa Heads Beach

Since my mom had booked flights around my original due date of October 22nd, and thinking I would be early since she had 3 out of her 4 kids 10 days early, we started to get a bit nervous when my due date came and went. Redcliffe hospital doesn't induce until about 10 days after the due date which meant my mom might only get a day or two with her granddaughter before she left on November 4th. Although we did lots of things to hopefully move it along - eating pineapple, acupressure points, raspberry leaf tea, walks, etc.. bub seemed content where she was at.

Finally, Sunday September 29th my cat woke me up at 3:30am. I noticed some pains, but I thought it was just indigestion or something. When I realised they were repeating I knew I was experiencing early labour pains. It was uncomfortable enough that I couldn't go back to sleep and so I just did some reading and waited until everyone else was awake. By around 7am I was having contractions at least every 10 minutes and I notified the hospital. They suggested I call back when contractions were about every 5 minutes. An hour later I called them back and they still felt I should wait at home, but because the contractions were getting more painful I really wasn't comfortable waiting at home for things to get awful. At the birthing suite they monitored me and I was progressing slowly and only 1-2cm dilated. They moved me to the maternity ward to wait it out and that's when contractions started to get really painful. As the night progressed I was starting to really struggle with the pain even though they had already given me codeine and panadol. Although I could breathe through each one I started to get really shaky each time one came. Lack of sleep didn't help either because they were too often that there was no hope of resting in between. It got so bad that one contraction was so painful it made me vomit. They checked me again and by now I was 4cm dilated and decided I could go up to the birthing suite when it was ready. At this point I realised I was in so much pain that I wanted the heaviest pain killer I could get - the epidural. All my plans of a natural birth went out the window and at this point I didn't even care. It took hours before the room was ready and the anesthetician could come in. During that time they gave me gas to help with the pain and it was still so bad I nearly vomited all over the midwife next to me during a contraction. I finally got the epidural around 9pm and spent the remainder of the night resting, but not really sleeping. Close to 3am they checked and I was fully dilated and the doctor decided to do a trial push. After that she decided I was ready to go and I spent the next hour pushing with each contraction. Although they told me I was great at pushing, I felt like I could have done better if I had a better lung capacity. They thought it was funny how Sakura was "excited" to come out because her heart rate would increase with each push and they even saw her wriggling to get out. Although I didn't know this until later, her shoulders got stuck in my hips and so I got a 2nd degree tear from the final push. Thank goodness for the epidural! I could feel there was a tear but not much pain and I had no idea how severe it was. They immediately put her on me for skin to skin contact and she was a perfectly calm baby and looked straight at me. My first thoughts were - We Did It! Secondly I thought, "she doesn't look like me at all" - she looked like some Asian baby. It didn't bother me, I was just surprised. She was a big baby with a full head of hair. After a while they wheeled me to the maternity ward where I would spend the next 24 hours. It takes some time for the epidural to wear off so I was bed ridden for a long time. The first time I tried to use my legs my left leg didn't quite cooperate and I fell on the floor. That night I finally got some sleep as Sakura slept for hours, but by morning I was over being at the hospital and eager to go home.

The first week home was a bit of an adjustment. Sakura did NOT sleep as well as she had at the hospital and I was feeding her every hour or so and struggled to get more than an hour or two of sleep at night. Matt went back to work so I wanted to make sure he got plenty of sleep and although my mom was willing to help I knew I needed to learn to get through the night by myself. We went and got some newborn photos taken, visited my friend Cate, and did some other errands with the baby. When my mom left on Saturday I went to the shops expecting Sakura would be calm and sleep like she had previous days, but unfortunately she was very fussy. I visited three different parent rooms and had to deal with her crying profusely at Target while I purchased a few things and headed to the next parent room. It was a rough reality check that not only was I on my own now that my mom had left, but that things would never be the same. How and when I go to the shops will be different, I now have to consider if I can take the baby with me to certain things, and I have to worry about whether or not she will be fussy when I go places.

Cate with Sakura

One of the blankets my mom made for Sakura

Jackie and her daughters paid a visit

Self soothing with her finger

Our first Sunday back at church was fast Sunday and we decided to do the baby blessing that day. As we don't have many friends or family here I didn't see any point in waiting. I had luckily found a white dress that fit her the day before and she was a perfect angel during the blessing. Our friends Cate & Dan Innis were able to come to the blessing and we had a nice lunch afterwards. Church was different as I suddenly had more than just the talks and lessons to worry about. I kept wondering what would be considered proper etiquette for dealing with the baby like should I always leave to the mother's room to feed her or what to do if she starts to cry or get upset. People have advised you just do whatever you feel comfortable with. The following day I met with the psychologist who confirmed the same thing. I basically want like a list of what is appropriate or right and wrong in terms of dealing with the baby. My psychologist reminded me that I'm an intelligent and capable person and to trust my instincts. Instead of learning the right or wrong with parenting, I just need to trust in myself and the Spirit to guide me to do what's best for me and the baby. I'm likely still going to be anxious when she gets upset in public places, but I'm glad I have a wonderful support system to help me get through the tough times of being a first-time mom.

Her hearing test - she has perfect hearing

I am finally adjusting to having a baby in my life. I just take things day by day and sometimes she is extremely fussy and other times she can sleep for hours at a time. I'm thinking something I was eating was causing some indigestion because she would be inconsolable right after feeding. She has at least been getting better at sleeping at night so I have been able to get around 5-6 hrs of sleep total! I've been surprised how tiring it is to take care of the baby during the day as well so I usually can nap when she naps as well. Our cat has not yet decided what to think about the new addition. For the most part Shade just avoids Sakura, but every now and then he will bodly try to sniff her. It will be interesting to see how their relationship progresses over time.

I'm not sure what to think about being a mom yet, but when I've already been enjoying my time with her including the occasional smiles and funny faces. I'm just grateful I'm not doing this alone and that I don't have any obligation to work! What I've really learned from pregnancy, labour, and my first 2 weeks of being a mom is to take everything people tell you with a grain of salt. I did everything I could to make pregnancy and labour better and yet nothing worked out as I had hoped. If my body didn't respond the way I had hoped to pregnancy and birth, why should parenting be any different? In the end you just do the best you can, pray lots, and trust the Lord to guide you with what matters most.

The Final Countdown - 1 Month Left!

Not much has really happened since my last blog. I'm now at the stage when people ask me about my pregnancy I just say I'm about the same. I tend to need a nap daily, I get winded or exhausted easily, heartburn is still a constant problem, and some days I get bad aches and pains. Other than that things are moving rather smoothly.

34 weeks

36 weeks tomorrow

Matt and I finished the antenatal classes and it was kind of sad because we were learning so much! The last one was our tour of the birthing suites and the maternity ward and I found that I'm not really nervous about it at all. I've been very happy with the Redcliffe Hospital and the midwives and I feel confident that their biggest concern is helping me have the birth experience that I want. My goal is to just to have as natural a birth as I can handle, but I don't really have any specific expectations.

I've had a few comments that I'm small and after comparing with some of the ladies in the class I was surprised that some were larger than me and had their due date nearly 1-2 months after me (not including the lady with twins). I feel perhaps it is due to my baby preferring a posterior position - with the head in the pelvic area - more than anything else. She has been like that since my 2nd trimester and has only recently started shifting a little. Some days I'm lopsided half the day - I tried to take a picture to show Matt from my perspective.

Lopsided Belly

We have finally started acquiring baby stuff! A while ago we decided funds were tight and we didn't want to spend big since the baby wouldn't notice the difference anyway. Thanks to Facebook Marketplace we were able to get a used cot, capsule, diaper changing table, bath, ergo 360 carrier, and four garbage bags worth of clothes for less than $400 total. Additionally, we got a stroller and tall boy (dresser) from off the street for free. The stroller is in good condition, but needs a thorough clean which Matt promised. I didn't want it, but now that we tested our capsule with it and it fits perfectly I'm happy we didn't have to spend anything to get a stroller. In case you're wondering....yes all used stuff has or will be thoroughly cleaned and sanitised. It's taken a while to do all the laundry!

Shade has claimed the cot and the blanket I made for the baby

Anything else needed for the baby's arrival we got new at Ebay, Chemist Warehouse, or Costco. I feel better knowing that we now have the essentials sorted. A friend of mine asked about my baby shower and I realised I didn't have one planned. In my experience family or friends usually host one but that wasn't likely going to happen since I have no family and recently moved to the area. Eventually I swallowed my pride and asked some ladies in my ward to help and instead of obtaining gifts this is more an opportunity for me to get to know the other women in the ward better and celebrate together. I'm excited there's two other women that are having babies around the same time and at least two others that are pregnant! It was really hard for me when I moved to QLD and all my pregnant friends except one were in Sydney. I also think it will be good for me to celebrate that I have a baby coming as it has not been an easy transition for me. Additionally, my sister has organised a Skype party for me to be able to celebrate and talk to my extended family about the baby. I'm excited for that as well so that I can keep them involved in my experience. Lots of good things to come in October!

Since this whole process started I feel like I've grown a lot and had to really face my next stage of life. Here are just some snippets of things that I've read, learned, or decided about having kids:

• Having a baby is a privilege and a blessing
• Pregnancy is different for each individual and each baby
• Despite even the best intentions, you can't always control how your body reacts or responds to things, especially during pregnancy. 
• Ultimately, the Lord is control when a child is brought into this world
• Stress, worry, and anxiety during and after pregnancy can have serious long term effects on you and the child. 
• Comparing yourself to others limits your ability to find inner peace with yourself and your own unique situation
• "Birth is a sacred moment when mortality and heaven intersect" Dale G. Renlund
• Pregnancy and labour can be a positive experience when focused on love instead of fear
• Pregnancy is an opportunity to learn to trust your body and instincts
• In the end, patience and trust in the Lord are essential because things don't often work out the way we hope or plan
• The greatest impact we can have in this world is to bring children into this world and raise them to the best of our ability to live righteously and with good morals

Now as for some other events in the last month....

I attended Time Out For Women in the Gold Coast where multiple speakers and a music artist share inspired messages. This is not run by the church and is actually a paid event. I've never gone before so I was really excited to have the opportunity to go and also see some of my friends from Sydney at the same time. This year speakers included Elaine S. Dalton former YW General President, John Bytheway, Patrice Tipoki, and Emily Belle Freeman. Although I was glad I went, I was actually disappointed by the experience. The music group Mercy River presented songs throughout and I only actually liked a couple of songs. I liked their humour, but the music didn't fit the event for me and I would have preferred a variety of musicians than just the one group. The talks were great of course, but again I feel like I didn't need to pay for hearing inspiring messages that I can also get the same effect and feeling from attending Women's Conference or General Conference twice a year. In short, I'll probably attend if it's local, but I don't think I'll ever go out of my way to attend in future years. Here are my favourite quotes and comments made at the event:

• Don't be too hard on yourself, just keep moving forward - Elaine S. Dalton
• Marriage is like a five thousand piece puzzle, all sky - Cathy Ladman
• You are the result of the love of thousands - Linda Hogan
• The ability to qualify for, receive and act on personal revelation is the SINGLE most important skill that can be acquired in this life - Julie B. Beck
• Don't let all the things you know be eclipsed by the few things you don't know - John Bytheway
• Don't waste any time reading the wrong things - we don't have time for that - John Bytheway
• A fear can sometimes be our voice or from other voices - Patrice Tipoki
• What do you need God to BE (not do)? - Emily Freeman

Our business class is still going well. Matt and I have learned SO much! We've discovered we really need to revamp how we record all of our personal and business expenses. A guy in class lent us the book called The Barefoot Investor which is very similar to Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace system except this book was released this year and is specific to the Australia market. After finishing that book we will be making some serious changes to our bank accounts and other details to help us save more and have a better understanding of our finances. I won't go into details, but let's just say there are a lot of changes to be made and I'm excited that I think we will finally get on top of our finances! We also learned that Matt has been paying tithing incorrectly and essentially "stealing" from his business income. I highly recommend this self reliance business course because there are so many elements to having a small business that sometimes we just don't consider. The other people in the group have been awesome to also help get different opinions on how to run things. 

Business was really slow for a few weeks for Matt. He signed up for a required course to get his Queensland contractor license and we spent a week working on that together. I lost a lot of patience with him, but we got it done and are now waiting on the results from that. We then sat down and figured out how much tithing he owed (he hadn't paid tithing since May). The day that we paid tithing Matt got about three different job opportunities! One company was so happy with his last job they said he created a new standard and have enough work for him for months! What a blessing! He's so much happier working for himself and I'm glad that he hasn't had to subcontract or work as an employee. He may even have enough work to start expanding and get his own apprentice or employee!

Turkey dinner and a movie for our anniversary

We celebrated our six year anniversary on the 21st! Each year Matt and I are always just glad we made it another year. Remember the quote about the five thousand piece puzzle? Yeah, marriage is difficult and neither of us are easy people to live with and be married to. We recognise we are growing little by little each year and at least now I don't feel like we're on the edge of a cliff anymore. I used to constantly worry about having kids because I felt like our marriage was rocky and I didn't want to have a divorce with kids. I'm no longer worried about that - I married the man that can help me grow the most and help me to be the person I want to be. It's not easy, but most worthwhile things aren't. I still firmly believe in our potential and I hope we can learn to be good parents. 

Life has been pretty breezy for the most part for the last month. The weather here is fantastic, we have been busy attending activities for our calling with the young single adults, and spending many nights just relaxing and watching a movie or favourite TV shows. I'm so grateful that I've been blessed to not have to work aside what I do for Matt's business and that I can focus on me and the baby. I feel confident everything will work out. 

Team White Rice won White Bread and Sausages (YSA Activity)

If only I could be this photogenic...