Why I'm Not Doing a PhD

For all those of you that know me well, I have always been a planner. It doesn't matter what I am doing, but I am always planning on what I am going to do next. When I came to Australia the plan was to get a PhD which included a 2-year Masters program and then another 3 years for a PhD. I painstakingly looked at all the universities that had someone working in animal behaviour or animal personality research. Having met Jennifer Clarke before, I was fascinated by animal communication and when enquiring if she was taking graduate students she was the only excited Yes! So, I applied for the Masters of Research to then do a PhD with Jennifer in animal communication.

Over the last 18 months I have been part of the first group ever to be in the Masters of Research program at Macquarie that was designed specifically as a pathway to getting a PhD. After a year's worth of coursework (some useful and some not as much) I was overjoyed to be able to finally do research and especially on my favourite animal ever - the tiger. So why would I not do a PhD then? Lots of reasons:

1. It's not necessary for my career choice.

Since I was little I have always wanted to work with animals. Before I came here I knew I wanted to be a tiger handler some day. A PhD is not required for this and in some cases may not be desired. I wanted to get the PhD so that I would at least have the ability to use research to help animals. However, the three years of limited animal experience may get me farther away from working with animals with all the writing and research work it requires. If it is not required, why pursue it? I desperately need animal handling experience for this kind of job and it may be too difficult to try to get the experience at the same time as a PhD. I'm not entirely dead set on any one option, but I would like be able to work with tigers regularly and not just view them from afar or through video recordings. 

2. It's stressful!

As you all know I have been suffering from depression since the beginning of this year. Although I'm aware of it and trying to control my overwhelming emotions, it takes time. A PhD is even more stressful and has not been known to help a person's mental health. When I already feel I'm in a "fragile" state I feel I would only get worse by trying to take things to the next level. Not to mention I'm already neglecting my husband and my cat from all my stress. Is it really fair to them or myself to intentionally put myself in a deeper hole?

3. My eyes have been opened.

I have learned since starting my program that "changing the world" takes a LOT of effort. One seminar speaker who has helped create change does research and helps create policies to apply this research. He also has NO life outside of work - in other words work = life. When it comes down to it, my future family and my church are more important to me than anything! Am I willing to sacrifice that? I have firmly determined over the last year that I'm ok with NOT changing the world. 

4. Getting published isn't worth it. 

Research is all about getting your studies published in high-impact journals. To be honest I could care less if my research got published since I do it for the intrinsic value of discovering something new. Not to mention, it is mostly other scientists that read these journals since they require expensive subscriptions. I have read EVERYTHING I could find on tiger vocalisations and the best stuff I could find was listed in books and not very clear or scientific. As I have been doing my study to understand tiger vocalisations it has been very frustrating that the tiger keepers already know or understand most of what I am trying to find out. The research is still worth it, but my job would be SO much easier if I already had their knowledge. Additionally, it is the tiger keepers that teach the public about the animals and not some scientist who published in a journal. For me, the publication isn't worth all the effort. You don't get paid for it, you don't create change with it, and the most you'll be able to do with it is slowly climb the hierarchy of academia and get recognised for your "ground-breaking" research. 

I could do a PhD part-time or look into more teaching oriented schools where publishing isn't as important, but truthfully I think I am just exhausted with it. I'm going to put all I have left into doing the best study I can for my Master's, and then leave it all behind. After so many years of being in school I think I am finally ready to begin moving on to other things. I may not end up being a tiger keeper, but there are many things I wouldn't mind doing so I'm not limited to just one option. If there is ever a time down the road that I change my mind I can always do a PhD later. For now, it is just not for me. 

Life's Twists and Turns

Have you ever played Life: Twists and Turns? If not, it’s an awesome game and if you can find it you should try it out. Life certainly does tend to give us twists and turns as this week seemed to be for me.

I had the opportunity to attend a baby shower for Rochelle Evans (friend from church). Ironically it got a few of us from church talking about birth control – while some people are ready to have babies, not all of us are! Nevertheless, we can certainly enjoy and help celebrate for those ready for that next step. It was a great activity and I learned that I know little about baby toys and products!

Rochelle is the cute pregnant woman in the white dress

Josie Mackie and I at the shower

Guess the Celebrity Baby game

We had stake conference that weekend as well. Saturday stake conference is always more relaxed and the talks given by our stake leaders and the Area Seventy that was present were awesome. I laughed a lot, and they also put a lot of focus on the youth. Sunday I had a short choir practice in the morning then Matt and I picked up an investigator, which resulted in us being late to the session. Unfortunately, we could barely hear or see anything and unfortunately didn’t get much out of it.

The next night we went to a special FHE to say goodbye to Reilly Cox who has now left for his mission in New Zealand. It was a wonderful night where I learned a lot about the history of New Zealand. At the end we all told Reilly why we love him and got to hear his testimony of the gospel. He truly is an amazing and faithful young man!

For Young Women (YW) we had a Pizza Planning Party! We came up with a long list of activities the youth wanted to do and although we had a rocky start we eventually had lots of ideas.  Tonight we are doing laser tag with the young men!

Piano being vacuumed

This last weekend was fairly eventful. I finally got my piano tuned!! Matt and I also went to my supervisor’s house so Matt could paint some overly colourful walls. I wish I had taken before/after pictures but it really made a difference. That night we also attended a LDS YSA (Young Single Adult) Dance Extravaganza performance! This year the theme was all art related, and every participating stake did an awesome job. The one year I participated I will always consider the best though!

I’m now reading Anne of Green Gables on my way to and from uni, which has been fun. Lately Matt and I have also been watching some newer movies we haven’t seen such as The Lego Movie, Planes, RoboCop, and Cloudy witha Chance of Meatballs 2. Last night we also went to see X-Men: Days of FuturePast in the theatre. I’m glad I always have someone to watch movies with especially when sometimes that’s all I seem capable of doing at night.

Unfortunately, things haven’t been all fun and games as things took a major turn in regards to my Master’s project. Long story short, I have to find a new company to get my surveillance cameras from. It would have been nice if I had known that earlier, but that’s just the way it is sometimes. I’ve found another potential company to work with, but it looks like there is no way to get the same high quality cameras I was originally getting. This is a HUGE delay, but I will just have to work extra hard to get everything done on time! It could always be worse!

Scared kitty - look at that fluffy tail! 

Hope you all have a wonderful week!

All about Mothers

Last week I got my pixel skin treatment again which was really painful this time. After a few days the dead skin finally came off and now I'm getting all kinds of comments about how great my skin looks! I'm just hoping I can keep it that way! 

Day after treatment

A few days later

Sunday and Monday was all about Mother's! Sunday morning I made myself ebelskivers! Yumm! That night we had four of the sister missionaries over for dinner and so Sister Lowe could call her mom for Mother's Day! The next day I had them come back so the American sisters could call their mothers. We had a french toast breakfast and then I got them set up on our two computers with Skype. The elders called me because their plans fell through for calling home. Since Matt wasn't home they had to bring another male, but luckily it all worked out. We played games like Monopoly Deal and Sequence while waiting for the others to finish. It was a long day and they weren't all gone until after 2pm, but in the end all went well. I still feel bad some didn't get on as early as they had hoped and missed some of their family, but I suppose something is better than nothing. They come here because I have we have two computers with Skype and FaceTime and I have an account that lets them call phone numbers in the US. I was exhausted by the end, but it was nice to spend time with them. 

Sister Lowe - from Victoria

Sister K - from Utah

Chris building a card fortress

Later in the week I had to go to the zoo again to pick up SD cards (every 5 days). I must say there could be a lot of harder things I could have to do, and the view is always amazing!

View from the train of Luna park

This week I finally finished listening to my original two days of audio I recorded in March! Needless to say I need to spend more time on good quality recordings than the terrible stuff. I also had a fun time listening to some flapping noises which we discovered were bats! Apparently they like the tree in the tiger enclosure. 

Another much smaller accomplishment this week was that I have finished the last season of How I Met Your Mother. It seems there was a mother theme going on all week. I was a little surprised by the finale, but I wouldn't say it didn't end well. 

Just a couple of other tidbits of the week...Matt spent yesterday at the movie set again and was luckily in the perfect spot for getting some screen time. He still hasn't done any of the archery yet so hopefully they will let him know soon. So far his enthusiasm on the project has plummeted as you spend hours doing nothing, it's not that great of pay, and he hates the spray tans. Needless to say he is not likely to do much "extra" work in the future. 

I also had the unfortunate business of breaking our crock pot. We store it on top of our cupboards (I know its a terrible place) and when I tried to take it down the lid slid off, hit me in the head, then shattered on the ground. Shade was very enthusiastic about investigating so I had to lock him in the upstairs bathroom while I cleaned up. It took a while because there was glass everywhere! I'm just glad I was wearing slippers when it happened. 

Theres a little bit more that happened recently, but I think I'll have a separate blog just for that. Have a great weekend!

Just Regular Life?

Sometimes I feel as if nothing significant has happened in the last week, but upon reflection I can usually recall at least a few things that would be of interest to people to read my blog. I hope some of you find this last week of some interest.

I first need to start by saying Matt and I watched the most recent Amazing Spider-Man movie with Brock and Kaytlin for FHE last Monday. (As a side note I would like to point out that I realized writing Kaytlin and Brock sounded funny and that Brock and Kaytlin flows much better). It was a great movie and I especially appreciate the bits of humor frequently thrown in. I did not expect the ending however and am curious to see what happens in the future sequels.

The temperatures here have dropped to about 65 F on average, which is cold compared to the normal temperatures. We now have a heater on at night and I am frequently bundled up everywhere I go. Unfortunately the lack of central heating in most places here makes some really cold homes! Nevertheless, I am enjoying drinking more hot chocolate!

View from the bus back to Uni

Naturally I should always add a bit about uni life. I’ve started doing recordings again and have been making the 4.5 hour trip (total) to the zoo multiple times to get my audio recording equipment set up and exchange SD cards. My last trip I had 20 minutes before the last bus to the zoo and fortunately found a Starbucks on the corner for a caramel hot chocolate to warm me up! I may make that a future tradition. I recently discovered I had the settings wrong when I got the SD cards back so I’m hoping this next batch is correct.  

The right half of the tiger enclosure

The good news is that we have also settled on a set for surveillance cameras. We are in the process of purchasing some very high quality HDSDI security cameras. My only hope is that we are capable of setting them up and having it all go smoothly. The zoo is going to switch the lions and tigers for the set up since lions are much more calm about having people work around them. I don’t know why but it just makes me like the tigers more for being finicky. We are really fortunate that I am not going to any other sites because I would not have money in my budget for the camera system otherwise.

Currently, I spend my time going over audio files and trying to categorize them. Yesterday I spent a while going through YouTube videos of tiger vocalisations to try and find consistencies with what I have heard. I discovered that what I label as a “moan” some label as a “roar” although I now think it is just the mating call. This is exactly why my research is needed. I also discovered another researcher that has delved into tiger vocalizations – Elizabeth von Muggenthaler. I could not find any published research on this though, and she has some odd patent for a massage device that uses cats purring recordings. Weird!!

My desk space at Uni

As for some more interesting news (unless for some reason you wait with baited breath to hear about my research endeavors), Matt is going to be in a movie! During the time he was unemployed he applied to be an extra in a movie, but never heard back. Suddenly, he got an e-mail saying he’s in and needed to be at the studio the next day for costume fitting! Luckily, his painting boss is AWESOME and is willing to work around this.

He’s going to be in Gods of Egypt with Gerard Butler as a part of the bad army. He wears a mask and whatnot so you’ll never see his face or anything, but he’s having fun. Matt is worried that it’s going to mess up his back because at times he has to stand still for hours in the background while the main action happens. Yesterday he had to get a spray tan which due to the rush he had the wonderful experience of getting his finishing touches done in a room full of women with just a g-string on! He will be at the set all day for the next three days and a few days next week so more to come!

Now for our social and church lives: Matt and I have been more social than usual. Sunday night we had dinner with Dean and Crystal and Monday night we had our next big group dinner (5 couples) at Rochelle and Pete Evans place. Of course I forgot to take pictures of these events. Nevertheless, I’m glad we have the time and ability to socialize once in a while.

Church has been good, as always, and I had a wonderful experience doing splits with the sister missionaries where I visited a young 11-yr-old recently baptized and her non-member mother. They are such an amazing pair! They are from Tonga and love to serve and frequently cook treats for their friends and neighbors. I received three cupcakes while we were there, which I think may have been two too many. The youth are also doing well and we had a couple of fun activities decorating a bulletin board in the chapel and putting goodies on the cars parked at the Sydney temple. Teenagers go through some rough stuff, but it is awesome to see them serving together and their testimonies of the gospel of Jesus Christ blooming.

Until next week!