Why I'm Not Doing a PhD

For all those of you that know me well, I have always been a planner. It doesn't matter what I am doing, but I am always planning on what I am going to do next. When I came to Australia the plan was to get a PhD which included a 2-year Masters program and then another 3 years for a PhD. I painstakingly looked at all the universities that had someone working in animal behaviour or animal personality research. Having met Jennifer Clarke before, I was fascinated by animal communication and when enquiring if she was taking graduate students she was the only excited Yes! So, I applied for the Masters of Research to then do a PhD with Jennifer in animal communication.

Over the last 18 months I have been part of the first group ever to be in the Masters of Research program at Macquarie that was designed specifically as a pathway to getting a PhD. After a year's worth of coursework (some useful and some not as much) I was overjoyed to be able to finally do research and especially on my favourite animal ever - the tiger. So why would I not do a PhD then? Lots of reasons:

1. It's not necessary for my career choice.

Since I was little I have always wanted to work with animals. Before I came here I knew I wanted to be a tiger handler some day. A PhD is not required for this and in some cases may not be desired. I wanted to get the PhD so that I would at least have the ability to use research to help animals. However, the three years of limited animal experience may get me farther away from working with animals with all the writing and research work it requires. If it is not required, why pursue it? I desperately need animal handling experience for this kind of job and it may be too difficult to try to get the experience at the same time as a PhD. I'm not entirely dead set on any one option, but I would like be able to work with tigers regularly and not just view them from afar or through video recordings. 

2. It's stressful!

As you all know I have been suffering from depression since the beginning of this year. Although I'm aware of it and trying to control my overwhelming emotions, it takes time. A PhD is even more stressful and has not been known to help a person's mental health. When I already feel I'm in a "fragile" state I feel I would only get worse by trying to take things to the next level. Not to mention I'm already neglecting my husband and my cat from all my stress. Is it really fair to them or myself to intentionally put myself in a deeper hole?

3. My eyes have been opened.

I have learned since starting my program that "changing the world" takes a LOT of effort. One seminar speaker who has helped create change does research and helps create policies to apply this research. He also has NO life outside of work - in other words work = life. When it comes down to it, my future family and my church are more important to me than anything! Am I willing to sacrifice that? I have firmly determined over the last year that I'm ok with NOT changing the world. 

4. Getting published isn't worth it. 

Research is all about getting your studies published in high-impact journals. To be honest I could care less if my research got published since I do it for the intrinsic value of discovering something new. Not to mention, it is mostly other scientists that read these journals since they require expensive subscriptions. I have read EVERYTHING I could find on tiger vocalisations and the best stuff I could find was listed in books and not very clear or scientific. As I have been doing my study to understand tiger vocalisations it has been very frustrating that the tiger keepers already know or understand most of what I am trying to find out. The research is still worth it, but my job would be SO much easier if I already had their knowledge. Additionally, it is the tiger keepers that teach the public about the animals and not some scientist who published in a journal. For me, the publication isn't worth all the effort. You don't get paid for it, you don't create change with it, and the most you'll be able to do with it is slowly climb the hierarchy of academia and get recognised for your "ground-breaking" research. 

I could do a PhD part-time or look into more teaching oriented schools where publishing isn't as important, but truthfully I think I am just exhausted with it. I'm going to put all I have left into doing the best study I can for my Master's, and then leave it all behind. After so many years of being in school I think I am finally ready to begin moving on to other things. I may not end up being a tiger keeper, but there are many things I wouldn't mind doing so I'm not limited to just one option. If there is ever a time down the road that I change my mind I can always do a PhD later. For now, it is just not for me.